From the publishers

“Moscow Elder” is what they call Alexei Mechev’s father. Sent “to the people”, to the suffering people by the holy righteous John of Kronstadt, he was one of those on whom Holy Rus’ rests. The Optina elders, Reverends Anatoly and Nektary, always sent Muscovites to Father Alexei. “Why are you coming to us? “You have a father, Alexei,” said one of the Optina elders to a Moscow pilgrim who came to Optina Pustyn.

“Merciful love” is what attracted crowds of pilgrims to the priest. Not only from all over Moscow, but also from all over Russia, people went to the small church of St. Nicholas in Klenniki on Maroseyka, and no one left the priest without spiritual help and consolation.

The rector of the Optina monastery, Abbot Theodosius, who visited the church on Maroseyka on one of his visits to Moscow, saw the number of people trying to get to the priest for confession, the fervor and length of the service, the crowd waiting for the priest. The amazed abbot Theodosius said to Father Alexei: “Yes, for all this work that you are doing alone, we would need several people in Optina. This is beyond the strength of one person. The Lord is helping you.”

This book is a living testimony to the luminous Moscow priest. Its title – “Advice to a Christian Girl” – is conditional; these are teachings recorded by one of Father Alexei’s spiritual children. Unfortunately, we do not know who made these recordings. Most likely, Maria, a novice of the Chudov Monastery, was one of those who, after the closure of the monastery in 1919, ended up in the church on Maroseyka: “When we lost the Chudov Monastery, and like sheep without a shepherd, we scattered everywhere, not knowing where to lay our heads, then many went to Maroseyka to Father Alexei, and the kind priest, with extraordinary love and affection, took us, the sorrowful, under his care, sad orphans…”

This book will be of interest not only to girls. The teachings of Father Alexei, which expressed the very essence of faith, are directed to all Christians seeking salvation.

Advice for a Christian girl

How to achieve humility? Enter into yourself more often: consider yourself worse than everyone else.

No matter what sin you fall into, repent, and the Lord is ready to receive you with open arms.

Be like a child in everything: both in matters of faith and in matters of life.

Watch yourself. If you want to live a spiritual life, take care of yourself. Every evening, review what you did good and what you did bad, thank God for the good, and repent for the bad.

When you are praised, and you notice various shortcomings in yourself, then these praises should cut like a knife into your heart and arouse the desire for correction.

Be careful about unclean thoughts.

If you notice a tendency towards sin, make two bows to the Lady with the prayer: “Most Holy Theotokos, through the prayers of my parents, save me, a sinner.” The spirit of your parents will merge with your spirit in prayer.

The Gospel must be read more carefully.

Since the Lord’s Prayer is an abbreviated Gospel, you need to approach it with proper preparation.

While fasting physically, fast also spiritually, do not be insolent to anyone, especially your elders, this fast will be higher than the physical.

Work hard to educate your younger brothers and sisters; influence them by example and remember that if you have any shortcomings, they can easily adopt them. And the Lord will demand an account in this matter.

Doing good is our duty (against vanity).

You shouldn’t take on impossible feats, but if you decide to do something, you should do it at all costs. Otherwise, you won’t do it once, then twice, three times, and then you’ll think why you did it, since it’s completely in vain (persistence in goodness, without which spiritual growth is impossible).

Never treat the Gospel as if it were a fortune-telling book; and if any important questions arise, consult with more knowledgeable people. I had a teacher here, and she also puts notes on the icons.

One must approach reading the Gospel with a prayerful mood.

Be stricter, stricter in spiritual fasting; that is, learn to control yourself, humble yourself, be meek.

When you see something bad around you, look at yourself right now to see if you are the reason for it. When bad thoughts attack you, especially in the temple, imagine before Whom you stand or open your soul and say: “Mistress, help me.”

If, while venerating the image, you are troubled by some thoughts (of little faith, etc.), pray until they disappear.

You have to consider yourself worse than everyone else. If you want to get irritated, take revenge, or do something else, quickly put up with it. We must save ourselves and others. Watch yourself more strictly, and be more lenient towards others, study them in order to treat them as their position, character, mood requires; for example, a nervous person and an uneducated person, but if we demand from one calmness, from the other – delicacy or something else, it will be reckless; and we must watch ourselves strictly.

Every day, like a mother, repent of your sins to the Mother of God.

What right do we have to despise others?..

You have to be more moderate in your eating, otherwise gluttony harms digestion. Even water should be consumed in moderation.

If thoughts of little faith appear, especially before communion, say immediately: “I believe, Lord, help my unbelief.”

Regarding written confession. It’s not enough – he listed all the sins and the end, and nothing happened; but it is necessary for sin to become disgusting, for all this to burn out inside, in the heart, when you begin to remember… and then the sin will be disgusting, and we will not return to it, otherwise we will do the same thing again.

– What if you forget?

“And if something hurts, you won’t forget where it hurts, I’ll point it out.”

You must always tell the truth, and if you are forced to tell a lie, then you must talk to the person and turn things around in such a way as to save the one who is mistaken by forcing him to do this; for example, I have never lied and will not lie, and if you need it, then I will probably do it only if you take it upon yourself, etc.

There is no need to judge others; in someone else’s house, if you are served a small meal on a fast day, you should not neglect or refuse. And at home you can fill this gap by strengthening physical fasting, and most importantly, spiritual fasting, that is, not getting irritated, not judging, etc.

You need to do this in everything: if you need to do something, now remember how Jesus Christ would have acted here, let this be your guide in everything. So gradually everything bad and sinful will retreat from you.

I do not bless saying anything about others that could spread bad rumors about them; and it is our duty to speak edifying and useful.

You live more by the mind, by thought, the heart is poorly developed, you need to develop it: imagine yourself in the place of others.

If it were so easy to be saved, we would all have been saints so long ago.

We must treat those around us with all attention, and not carelessly, then the Lord, seeing this, will pay attention to us.

In the temple, stay away from those who like to talk.

You don’t have the strength of will, but now you need to develop strength of will. (There was a severe hunger strike.)

The Risen Lord demands our resurrection.

Don’t you dare, don’t you dare be proud, there’s nothing to be proud of, you see the hundredth part behind you, but you don’t see the ninety-nine.

Bad thoughts attacked me… I probably didn’t pray enough. We need to drive them out. As soon as bad thoughts begin, if there is only one, start praying, and if there are more than one, take some serious book or start some business.

It’s time to discard frivolity, we must take everything seriously.

Put a strict order in everything: at such and such a time – to study, at such and such a time – to read, etc. If you need to go somewhere, why not go, read – why not read, and so that there is order in everything.

Father found something necessary and necessary in this. Living in a family, although no one interfered with me in anything, I did not know how to fit myself into some kind of framework, I did not know how to establish this order. Oncoming obstacles forced me to retreat, and most importantly, I myself did not see anything necessary in this establishment of order, at the same time I wanted the priest to give me something to do, so that I could carry out some (external) “feat,” and I asked the priest about this. At first he didn’t answer anything, and when he asked if I had established order in my life, I answered that it wasn’t working out. He listened silently, never reproached, and when asked to give me a “feat,” he affectionately remarked: “Well, I’m telling you – establish order, but you keep telling me that I can’t.” Only then did my eyes open, and I saw in my easy attitude towards this word of the priest disobedience, frivolity; I did not attach much importance to the simple and, it seemed, casually said, “strange” requirement for order. He, it turns out, looked at this as a kind of feat for my character. And then again the priest reminded me about this very seriously. “Be sure to establish order… Otherwise, I used to always receive everyone, but now they forced me to reduce the reception, so I can see for myself how much I have done.”

“We need to reassure mom, not bring anything to her attention.” Respect for her is the first duty. And be sure to check yourself every evening. Well, if you fail, then put three bows to the Mother of God and ask Her for forgiveness.

Drive away bad thoughts by reading; physical labor is needed here. Imagine yourself on Calvary, here is the cross in front of you (the priest extended his arms to the sides)… blood is flowing… Speak with your thoughts: your spiritual father, they say, did not tell me to listen to you.

– I see a lot of nasty things in myself.

“But life is given to us for this purpose, to get all this out of ourselves.”

– It seems that God’s mercy will soon end…

– God’s mercy is indescribable.

– Father, I wanted not to take communion today.

– Why, did you confess?

– So, I’m very bad…

– Well, it’s none of your business…

– Father, I want to be meek and humble.

– Who doesn’t tell you?..

– Father, can I not take communion today?

– Why?

– So, the heart is very unclean.

– When will it be clean for you?

– I had a bad dream…

– This happens from excess in food, from empty talk; and since this always happens to you, then you always wait for it… When you wake up, get up right away, don’t cover yourself with the blanket. What you undertake must be done at all costs.

– How to stick to the golden mean, so as not to be gloomy and overly cheerful?

– When you see that a person is despondent around you, you come, for example, to … you see that she is hanging her nose (the priest lightly hit my nose with his finger), then you need to pull yourself together, be cheerful, encourage the other, and if everything goes smoothly, then you need to talk about serious things, and not chat; generally care about the benefit of others and do everything for the benefit of others; and not only arrange deeds this way, but also words; if, for example, you see what everyone is saying, well, come on, they say, I’ll say, but what is this?.. Before you speak, you need to think, you can remember Christ, how He would act here, and then, as your conscience says, do and say so; this will be the golden mean.

During Easter week there is no need to read the Psalms, and instead of evening and morning prayers there are hours. “When should we finish reading the Psalter?” The priest hesitantly remarked with a smile: “It seems that the Psalter ends on Wednesday…” (An expert in the charter; so great was the priest’s humility.)

Everything should be in order, and there should be a certain time for eating, and if you came late and you want to eat, then, of course, you can, eat as much as you need. In general, to have order.

A person who truly loves forgets himself completely, forgets that he exists, he thinks only about how to save someone else. We must try not only with actions, but even with words not to seduce another.

If you please, if you please, go to church.

(The fact that there is no time for reading.) “Well, it’s just you… but I charge you with the duty of reading…”

You can take communion every week, just abstain from the main sin.

You know your duty, and you need to fulfill it calmly and firmly. You need to read the Jesus Prayer. Just as a person always thinks about his favorite object, so he should think about the Lord and carry Him in his heart.

– How to acquire love for God?

– We need to remember more often what the Lord has done for us and what He is doing. Everything, even everyday affairs, must be sanctified by Christ, and for this the “Jesus Prayer.” How good and joyful it is when the sun is shining, just as good and joyful it will be in our souls when the Lord sanctifies everything in our hearts.

It’s often good and you feel like you’re going straight, then suddenly that mood disappears, and you just can’t get there.

– Well, okay, okay… that means you’ll sleep well to this.

By the concept of “falling asleep,” the priest always meant the loss of sobriety and spiritual alertness over oneself.

Somehow, during the all-night vigil, a storm of all kinds of the most opposite thoughts and feelings agitated my entire being; I approach the festive icon (behind the canon). The priest anoints him with oil, peers and in a whisper, hesitantly asks: “Are you sleeping, are you not?”

We must remember that if the Lord is always looking at me, because He knows everything, then how can I act against Him.

Sometimes you long with all your soul for union with the Lord in the sacrament of Holy Communion, but the thought that you recently received communion stops you…

– This means that the Lord touches the heart, so all these arguments are no longer appropriate.

I think we need to establish a routine for life: it is recommended to sleep seven hours a day (I slept no more than five or six hours), well, if you get up at seven o’clock, then count back seven hours and go to bed that way; otherwise it affects health. Later I noticed that all the ascetics, from ancient to modern, and all monasteries followed a strict, once established order of life.

– It is difficult to live without sin when there are such deprivations in life (there was a hunger strike).

– Well, why don’t you sin…

– I’m depressed, father.

– There is no need to be discouraged, remember, as they say: “my spirit is sad within me,” and then “let me remember the days of ancient times, let me learn…”. So you remember everything and be comforted.

That you think a lot about yourself, you are proud; But you know, whoever thinks a lot about himself means he doesn’t live well… And you love yourself, so love yourself as you should.

Jealousy came to me to learn the “Jesus Prayer” and asked the priest to teach me.

– “The Jesus Prayer” is a serious matter, more often you need to think about who Jesus is for me.

If someone speaks badly about others, and even in church, you just need to answer that I myself am a sinner, why should I look at others. We don’t go to church to talk.

Jealousy to learn the “Jesus Prayer” burned me.

– The “Jesus Prayer” is a serious matter. You must constantly have the Lord before you, as if you were in front of some important person, and be, as it were, in constant conversation with Him. At this point you will be in an elevated state.

You need to be more moderate in your food.

What should we be proud of?.. Sins?..

Parents, if they have any shortcomings, should be treated more leniently.

– Father, it happens that you oversleep in the morning, but when you get up, you quickly run to mass, and no longer pray at home…

“Well, if that’s the case, you can pray in church, but there must be order in everything.”

If anyone in the church talks or asks about anything, tell me and don’t answer.

You should definitely pray morning and evening.

Before reading the Gospel, cross yourself and say: “Lord, give me reason, let me understand what is here”; and after this it happens that you accidentally find some kind of insight and you begin to understand the meaning of this or that; and then you need to take and write down these thoughts.

Establish order in everything… Be good to your mother, don’t quarrel with your sisters, don’t offend your aunt. Well, this will be yours for now, and then we’ll take something else.

So that you have order in everything… I had one German here, and with Germans you know what order is in everything, so he told me: he had guests there… and he had such order: like ten o’clock, so that everyone was in place. Now it’s time to go to bed, he announces that in ten minutes the fire will be put out. But everyone thought he was joking, no one paid attention to it. Suddenly, they look – it’s dark… And I ask him: “What about the guests?” “But whatever they want,” he says, “if they are so disorderly.” Even though he is German, there is a lot to learn from him.

Drive away bad thoughts, and when they appear, drag them by the ear and into the sun. (Father pulled me by the ear.) Be stricter with yourself (the conversation was about abstinence in food, father was very serious), you’re still sleeping, make sure you don’t oversleep. You need to pray like a child, with firm faith. Well, wait, I’ll set you free for this – by the ears.

Eating too much means you have no intelligence, when even an extra cup of water can excite us.

If you don’t obey your spiritual father, it means you have no devotion to God. I beg you, for God’s sake, take care of yourself… for God’s sake, be attentive… The Kingdom of Heaven is boring, and only those who make efforts delight it, and you won’t lift a finger.

“Father, sometimes it’s so hard that you want to go to someone and cry.”

– No, you have one garbage dump – Father Alexey, you throw everything into it, but others don’t need it.

– How can you distinguish fasting from ordinary times, since now almost everything is the same: fasting and no fasting, you don’t feel fasting at all? (there was a hunger strike).

– Strengthen spiritual fasting.

– Should this post always be there?

“You had a very good idea, but where are we always going to be, and here you will be tormented by the fact that, they say, I’m not doing something and you’d rather do the right thing.”

If you want, destroy passions now, otherwise it will be too late. I had one lady here, and she had a passion – to take what belongs to others; She told me with tears that she was in the same house and then she saw a silver spoon and, when everyone left, she took it. Now it torments her, but she can’t cope with herself, it has become a habit for her.

– Father, they say the “Jesus Prayer” must be read not only with love, but also with fear, but I don’t feel any fear.

– With fear… and think about what the Lord has given and is giving to you, and how do you thank Him?.. Look brightly into the distance, there is no need for despondency. (Dismissing you from confession.) And you try so that I can not only pull you out by your ears, but put you in the same place, but every time a little higher.

Consider yourself the worst of all – and even so you are the worst of all.

You’re all asleep, and now it’s time for confession. Maybe I’ll have to… I’m ready, but what are you going to do here?.. (Anxious time.)

– What should we do now, father?

– Well, I think God is merciful – nothing, but for this you need to pray more, and be better yourself.

Be good, from now on. Today, Mary of Egypt, even though you’re not Egyptian, it’s all the same. So start from today, and I will pray for you, so that the Lord will give you mortal memory. Be a good support for your mother, a leader for your sisters, look how many obediences I have given you.

“Father, I read prayers, but it’s all somehow without a soul.” Father remained silent, and I repeated the same thing.

– Yes, read carefully, without any soul, in Tolstoy’s style, or what?..

There is no need to be irritated, there is no need… Wish everyone happiness and you will be happy yourself (against envy).

(Against questions in confession based on books.) Someone here told me that he read some kind of sin in a book and did not understand what it was, and so he began to do everything to somehow find out what it was; I bought different books and read them. Finally, I understood and became a fan of this sin. So I don’t approve of these questions; You don’t know and you don’t need to.

When you are in someone else’s house and they serve something savory on the table, you should not refuse and thereby condemn others. My father was close to Metropolitan Philaret and that’s how it was; Metropolitan Philaret often visited someone there… One day he came and found lunch, but it was fasting, the owner was embarrassed, he didn’t know what to do – fasting, but he had chicken or something… And the Metropolitan came to the table and tried everything himself… That’s how they acted.

– Sometimes, according to the rules, it is not necessary to bow to the ground, for example, before Pentecost and on other holidays?

– And to this I will say this: sometimes you feel that you are not worthy to look at the icon, at the Face of the Lord, how can you not bow down; I, for example, cannot help but bow to the ground when they sing: “Let us worship the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit…” (all-night vigil before the resurrection). Not abstaining is not a sin, but bowing down is a sin?..

After my reduction in service, I was given a recommendation for another service.

To my question whether I should enlist again, the priest jokingly replied: “Well, go.”

Feeling that there was no priest’s blessing for this, I hesitated. It’s been like this for about a month, no more. I felt uneasy, and decided to get a categorical answer from the priest – what should I finally do, whether to take up the service or not.

For a long time the priest did not give me an answer, emphasizing my personal desire, and I, for my part, on his blessing. “Tell you what,” he finally said to me, “do you remember how you rushed from service to church? You will end up in a large institution and you will be completely overwhelmed. It was safe for you to serve here. Now I’ll tell you what: serve the Lord.”

My heart also ached for our loud singing. I came to my father to tell him my grief.

“Manyushka,” the priest said to me, “I know your condition, how you want to sing: on weekdays I open the window and hear you singing: “Praise the Lord for my soul, bless the Lord for my soul; I sing to my God until I am.”

Zina and I decided to engage in asceticism: without the priest’s blessing, we decided in the first week of Lent to voluntarily begin our fast – to switch to bread and water no more than twice a day. We spent the entire first week in this post. The next day I received a spiritual test from the priest, whom I could not recognize for a long time. It happened like this.

During the Liturgy of the Presanctified Gifts, I was supposed to sing “May my prayer be corrected,” but I’m capricious, I don’t want to sing. Then my sister complained about me to the priest. He was very angry with me: leaving the church, in front of a large crowd of people, on the stairs, waving his arms and indignant, he made his way towards me. Not realizing my guilt, at first I reacted calmly to this, but after a while my father’s anger began to transfer to me, and then someone whispered to me: “Ask for forgiveness. Bow down to Father.” These words caused an explosion of indignation in my soul. Without waiting for the end of the reprimand, I rushed headlong to my room with the thought of picking up my things and going to my own. Despite the sisters’ persuasion not to leave without the priest’s blessing, I resisted with all my being. But when I started packing my things, I felt that my strength was leaving me, and I sank helplessly onto the bed. Father is angry with me, he has completely fallen behind the house. I don’t know what to do.

A few minutes later, one of the sisters comes running to me, calling me to go to the priest as soon as possible, but I resist, I don’t want to, and that’s all. My sister begins to insistently demand that I go to the elder. And only after much persuasion, with a feeling of pride and alienation, without the desire to tell him my grievance, just to listen to him, I finally decided to go. “Give her here,” I heard the priest’s cheerful voice when they told him that I was coming. I approach him; Father sits down in a chair and, taking me by the hand, asks: “Well, what do you say?”

At first I didn’t know what to answer, I stood silently. “Silly, silly,” the father says, patting me on the head, “I thought you were big, but you’re still a baby. “Look,” the priest continues, becoming animated, “someone was screaming on the stairs.” After a short pause, he adds: “It’s Semyonova, not you.” – “Yes, father.” – “What did you do?” I’m silent. “She bowed her head,” the priest adds, “and said: “Father, forgive me.” “So listen. I know you are stronger in spirit, that’s why I shouted at you. Try shouting at Semyonova. If you scream, she’ll probably run away. But you won’t leave me. “So on the stairs,” the priest spread his arms, “try, shout at them, they will all run away.” And you took it all upon yourself, stupid.”

After listening to the priest, I asked him for his blessing to go home, but in my soul there was no complete reconciliation with him.

“Don’t go anywhere, Manyushka,” the priest told me goodbye. “Go to bed, go to sleep, calm down.” And then, what do you have there—prosphora or something? Help.

So I did, I came, lay down, fell asleep, calmed down. When I woke up, I went to make prosphora, but there was still some kind of sediment in my soul; I still couldn’t forgive the insult inflicted on me. For several days I did not approach my father, until he himself called me: “Ah, Maria Timofeevna, hello,” the father joked with a deep sigh. With a feeling of pride that still did not leave me, I approached him under his blessing and silently left with an unnatural smile.

Feeling a struggle between two sides of my soul, I did not know how to proceed to confession. The priest received me strictly this time. And at the first awareness of my sin, it began to creep through me again. Now I clearly felt that the priest’s anger was entirely directed at me. Moving away from the priest, I stood near the icon of St. Nicholas and then clearly and sincerely felt guilty. In tears, with the consciousness of my insignificance, full of devotion and love for the priest, I went to confession a second time. “Manyushka, God grant that you are good to me,” the priest says, hugging my head and pressing it to his chest, kissing it.

When I came home and picked up a book about St. Seraphim, I realized that while I was fasting physically, I had spent my spiritual fast poorly. I cried bitterly and for a long time. This incident forced me to turn with special attention to my soul, and spiritual peace began to descend upon me more and more.

We solemnly greeted the priest at the conversation. We’ll sing “It’s Worthy,” we’ll make him sit down, sit around and sing the verse: “Lord have mercy, Lord forgive” or some other one. Sometimes the priest would start handing out candy; takes it and says: “This beetle is for Nadyushka-Sychevka, and this cockroach is for Tanya-Rukholny, the butterfly is for Zinka-Maronka, and the bug for whom? I’ll give it to Vera.” It’s the same with onions from herring: some are a month old, some are half an arc. When I was sitting next to the priest, he gave me water from his cup. I don’t feel like it, but he keeps drinking and drinking, adding more and more. Often I sat on the floor, near his legs. Here’s how the priest kindly remarks, looking at me, carefully touching my head with his pen: “Sitting in front of me is a gentle creature, wax – whatever you want, make it out of her. Yes, I’m afraid to touch it myself: it might fall apart.”

The disposition towards me of many sisters, who with complete trust revealed the secrets of their souls, made me think deeply and turn to the priest with a request: to explain to me how to accept such a disposition: to send sisters to him or simply to listen with love.

“What an old lady Manyushka has become,” the priest laughed at me and, tapping his finger on the table, added with a serious look: “So, Manyushka, I’ll tell you this: from now on, I won’t ask you strictly in confession.”

I come to the priest for confession with a record of sins. Having read everything and torn it up, the priest ordered to throw the note into the stove, which was heated in his own room, lowering his head from the bed and pointing with his finger: “Manyushka, look how bright the flame is, how your sins are burning.”

I ask the priest for something and call him “dear, dear father,” and he leans over and mysteriously and drawlingly says: “You’re disgusting.”

Several of us are standing at the priest’s table in the dining room. The priest quietly creeps up behind me and quickly puts a straw hat on me with the words: “Look, what a schema she is.” It puts it on Natasha, and we all laugh endlessly together with the priest.

When asked how I should pray, the priest replied: “Get up with the birds, go into the forest, pray there. Nature is close to God. Every rustle of a leaf, the vibration of every grass – everything glorifies God. The Monk Seraphim was always among nature and prayed there.”

Lately, for some reason, my father was especially happy for me, thanked me and said that he would now die peacefully. I will come to him in contrition about my sins, and the priest will wave his hands: “Well, what kind of sins do you have, you and I are completely sinless.” The word “sinless” evoked an even greater feeling of repentance. Throwing the epitrachelion over me, the priest repeated once again: “Sinless.”