“Prayer requires peace, and you don’t have it now. You are being pulled in different directions. Then you become very physically tired. In this case, prayer will not work. The first thing for her is peace, so as not to be dragged anywhere, not to be bothered. When life goes like this, you need to pray with your mind, not paying attention to the fact that the soul does not answer. Delve into the words of the prayer. Nothing, be it with your mind, be it somehow, but pray, pray. Don’t ask yourself what you can’t give right now. Don’t despair. Your life will calm down, then it will be possible, but now it won’t.”

This state that Father Alexy (Mechev) spoke about is now familiar to many. There is very little peace in life, but there are a lot of hindrances and obstacles to prayer and concentration. And in such a state, you can either break down from dissatisfaction, or put it off “for later” (maybe someday life will calm down), or be tormented by despair in helplessness, not seeing any opportunities ahead to somehow get out of this state. Father Alexy, by the way, draws attention not to how you can assess your condition, what to expect or achieve, but to the only thing necessary and possible in conditions of great anxiety in life – attention to the words of prayer. Let there be little time for prayer, but let the little be with attention. Even if something is perceived only by the mind, it is still perceived. But it doesn’t fly by. Let the soul be tired, no longer able to perceive anything – but simply attentive, thoughtful pronunciation of prayer words will do its job: the soul will not be left completely without food, without the skill to pray, without the need for prayer. If you only wait until the conditions are right, when there is peace and quiet, without doing what is possible now, then in this case there is a danger of not being able to enter the element of prayer, to think about the usual words, to experience them, to revive with them a withered and petrified soul. The danger is serious, that’s why Father Alexy asks: “somehow, but pray!”

“Before reading the Gospel, cross yourself and say: “Lord, give me reason, let me understand “what is here.” After this, it happens that you accidentally find some kind of insight and you begin to understand the meaning of this or that. Then you need to take and write down these thoughts.”

Father Alexy (Mechev) advises not just listening or reading the Gospel, but being creative about this opportunity. Unfortunately, in our bustle we either read somehow or listen somehow. It’s not only the rush and fussiness of life that gets in the way, but also the consciousness that, in general, we know the Gospel. In this regard, superficial knowledge is more harmful than complete ignorance. Those who don’t know at all consider themselves ignorant about it. And anyone who has once read or heard something is sure that everything is familiar to him, that there is nothing new to look for here… but he reads because he has to. If, after reading the Gospel, you ask what one read and the other listened to, then it would not be so rare to hear the answer that one does not remember what he read about, and the other does not remember what he listened to. To prevent such thoughtless, irresponsible reading from becoming a habit, we need to start doing as Father Alexy advises. The first appeal is to the Lord for enlightenment of the mind to “understand the Scripture.”

Next is the readiness to carefully delve into familiar words and, if something suddenly appears in these words, write it down for yourself. But in no case should one conclude from this that “the Lord revealed this to me by His mercy…”, with a tinge of self-respect and self-praise. If this happens, all good thoughts will disappear. The soul will be like a stump. Then increased attention will not help. What to do then? What Father Alexy advises: to humble yourself, accept the state of petrified insensibility as deserved for yourself, ask for forgiveness and enlightenment from Above. And henceforth, beware of yourself, even in your soul, to boast.

…”Cleansing the soul and bringing it closer to God is done here, in this very everyday, gray life. It is associated with many sorrows and difficulties. Don’t think that I will explain to you the beauty of spiritual life and how to achieve the Kingdom of Heaven. I will explain to you how to live with the people with whom the Lord placed us.”

So said Father Konstantin, a close friend and like-minded person of Father Alexy Mechev. After the death of Father Alexy, Father Konstantin could help some of Father Alexy’s spiritual children spiritually, encourage, strengthen, and lead them along the same path that Father Alexy led. This path can be defined as a return to a person who is often forgotten among the hustle and bustle of one’s own affairs and even the passion for “spiritual life.” There can be no spiritual life for those who do not know how to live with people. With those people who are nearby. For a believer, there are no chance encounters, no fellow travelers on the journey of life who will get off, like on a train, at the next stop and be forgotten forever. Everyone we meet, live with, know, who is next to us now – they are all our neighbors. We are obliged to love them, and not someone else who is far away and does not see us often, does not know us “in all our glory.” This commandment is as significant as the one similar to it – about love for God.

Living with people according to the commandment of God, that is, accepting (and not being indignant, not rebelling) them as they are, loving them and mutually helping each other – a whole school. A difficult school, where you have to study and study, without making allowances for fatigue, busyness, resentment (neighbors will not always respond kindly to kindness, gratitude to care, understanding to the desire to help). The success of such training is unthinkable without God’s help, and this immediately poses the task of learning to pray, learning to understand one’s shortcomings. The question of saving the soul will no longer stand somewhere aside from real life.

“When you pray, remember your parents. It is very important that we always remember those who cared about us, who loved us so much.”

Father Alexy, advising this, apparently wanted to help everyone praying to soften in this way. One – from warm feelings for parents and relatives, the other – from a feeling of care, goodwill towards them. Everyone, or almost everyone, had a warm, grateful feeling for their relatives, for their home, for their loved ones. The soul, warmed by them, could turn to God more freely and easily. Prayer unites. In prayer before God, everyone is alive, now living and deceased. Prayer helps both those who pray for parents and parents who are already deceased. Those who pray do not feel alone among those left behind, even if their nearest and dearest have died. This sense of community in God through the Church enriches the soul, strengthens it and inspires it to work and patience. Moreover, it is also the duty of a grateful and appreciative soul. For believing parents, the prayer of their children is especially dear and pleasant. This prayer contains all their love, always alive, passing through all boundaries, unhampered by distance or time.

Without any doubt, it is necessary to pray for those who love, for those who once loved, who raised them with care and difficulties. This is a pleasant duty, because everyone will feel good from such prayer.

When asked how to revive the Church, Father Alexy answered: “Pray.”

Pray! After all, you also need to be able to pray, which means you need to learn to pray. This science will not take root if life does not correspond to the commandments of God. Sometimes some little thing at first glance, but caused by an unkind feeling, can harm oneself and others so noticeably that then it’s even strange to talk about prayer. To revive the Church means making every effort for everyone, including the hierarchy, so that life (family, personal, public) will be according to the commandments of God. Life will not be like this without prayer. Prayer and life are inseparable. If everyone thinks that his life, even just his personal life at home, does not concern anyone and he is free to behave as he pleases, then sooner or later he will either be an empty flower in the Church, or, even worse, an object of temptation and a stumbling block for those who, in the name of a Christian, would like to see a Christian life. No reforms, decisions, or the best measures can make church society alive if each of its members does not take care of life according to the Gospel commandments and of prayer, which purifies, inspires, and corrects this life. Of course, the same, only to a greater extent, applies to the pastors of the Church. The example of the life of Father Alexy himself testifies to this. This was especially felt in his church. His prayer held many, united around him, inspired work and patience, and brought to the families of those who communicated with him the peace and light that was so necessary to live. He knew from experience how necessary prayer is for the life of every person, family, society, and the entire Church, and therefore he pointed to the most powerful means of coming to life – prayer.

About the Jesus Prayer, Father Alexy said: “The number of times is not important. The main thing is as often as possible. You eat, drink, walk, talk, work – you have to read it to yourself or in your mind all the time. When you wake up at night, too. Just as simple as possible, very, very simple.”

Usually it seems to us that this activity is for hermits, hermits, for those who are not bound by living conditions as we are, ordinary people, with work and chores that prevent us from remembering prayer. Meanwhile, Father Alexy said this not to monks, not to hermits or hermits, but to ordinary people who work, hurry, get tired during the day, and do not always sleep soundly at night. Why did he still recommend the Jesus Prayer? Most likely, because it is shorter than others, that there is not a single word in it that would somehow distract from the most important thing – from the Lord, that it puts a person directly before God, that it is accessible to everyone. No special intelligence is needed here, no inspiration, no verbosity. One thing is important – simplicity. And one more thing: in no case should you daydream about yourself (I’m supposed to be seriously concerned about saving my soul, what kind of prayer I do!). Where “I” is, everything is unreliable, everything is spoiled by pride and is far from God. The main rule is: as often and simply as possible. And – everywhere, always, without counting or looking back at yourself.

“…The whole point is to read it with a feeling of repentance (we are talking about the Jesus Prayer). All attention is on the words: “Have mercy on me, a sinner.” Sometimes, when you can’t hear what they’re reading, or don’t understand what they’re singing in church, you start reading it – and absent-mindedness disappears, thoughts and thoughts disappear somewhere and a prayerful mood appears.”

Father Alexy, speaking this way, knew from personal experience that absent-mindedness greatly interferes with prayer. It does not go away on its own and in the temple. The Jesus Prayer can help us focus on church prayer, but if we already have experience repeating it very simply, with a feeling of repentance. You can read it briefly (at least two words: “Lord, have mercy”) anywhere and everywhere. The more diverse reasons there are that prevent us from praying, the more diligently we should turn to such prayer. But this is also difficult for us. Everyone who tries to do it will confirm how difficult it is to keep your thoughts from floating, from useless conversations, thinking about what has not yet happened or going over the details of the past. It is difficult to resist engaging in prayer, but overcoming our reluctance can help us develop the habit of collecting thoughts on the words of prayer in church, and the skill for the Jesus Prayer will help us to tune in to prayer, that is, to enter into it with our hearts. But under no circumstances should you allow yourself to dream that in this way I will gradually develop into a “doer of the Jesus Prayer”! Whoever knows his sins and weaknesses, one thing is important to him: “have mercy!” Those who don’t know need to know. If you don’t see them behind you, it doesn’t mean they don’t exist. This means that a person is spiritually blind, therefore the most important thing in this prayer is the repentant feeling (appeal): “have mercy!”

“In the temple, stay away from those who like to talk.”

Conversations in church are an indicator of our spiritual callousness and human bad manners. You may feel distracted at some point, unable to concentrate, but this does not mean that you can disturb others.

What to do with those who do not intend to take others into account?

Father Alexy gives simple and accessible advice to everyone: stay away from such people. Wouldn’t it be better to explain to them that their conversations are interfering?

– Apparently – no better. Usually people who like to talk will be happy about it, as long as they talk. They will find an excuse for themselves, they love to talk, and those who like to do what will be able to win a place and time for their favorite activity.

“Put everything in order.”

This is also the advice of Father Alexy. It looks like ordinary, familiar advice that doesn’t mean anything special. Meanwhile, not everyone knows how to lead a strictly ordered life. It usually seems that order is always boring and dry, that a person of order, as well as duty, is an uninteresting person, always limited by his ideas, constrained, not knowing the taste of freedom and daring. But in life there is anarchy, arbitrariness, a senseless bustle of thoughts, rash actions, words thrown to the wind… what is all this? The dignity of those who do not know how to organize their lives? No, you need to accustom yourself to order in everything, then it will be easier to overcome the difficulties that invisible warfare will bring to everyone. Order is also necessary because you cannot live without thinking about those around you. You also need order for your inner life, for prayer, for thinking on the road, for evaluating all your actions. Father Alexy is right – we need order everywhere and in everything.

A man prays, and his prayer is everyday. It is very difficult sometimes. He tries, but his prayer is dry and absent-minded. And so a wonderful, bright prayer is sent to him as consolation, as encouragement. It’s like a heavenly symphony. Spiritual music that fills his soul. A stream of wondrous, heavenly sounds pours down on him from above, and his fatigue and despondency pass away. He may even forget where he is. Joy, peace, peace fill his soul. This is what God gives to the human soul as consolation and encouragement – and that’s all. You should never wait or ask for this.

Father Alexy, speaking about the fact that we should not wait and ask God for consolation from above, means our tendency towards spiritual voluptuousness. But this is only our shortcoming, and, of course, we should not cherish it or feed it with dreams. Prayer, like any matter in spiritual life, requires patience, constancy and courage. Denying yourself the desire for consolation from above is also courage. When the Lord finds it necessary and useful, He will send you consolation, encouragement, and inspiration. Fatigue at such a moment will be forgotten, a person may feel rejuvenated and capable of feats. And he will be given everything in order to fulfill such a desire: to endure his dryness, the powerlessness of his prayer, the futility of his efforts, to tolerate those who make up his environment (just as those around him tolerate him), not to give up when no one appreciates the efforts, to do not for the sake of encouragement, but out of a sense of duty to God and conscience – all this and much more will have to be experienced for a much longer time compared to the moments of spiritual joy, inner peace and complete bliss peace. Why is the path of life arranged this way, why are there so many thorns on this path that painfully wound the soul?

Because the path of life prepares us for real life in God, and it is impossible for us until we free ourselves from conceit and pride. If it weren’t for such shifts, we would be firmly confident that we would achieve everything ourselves. This thought – to become God for oneself – haunted even the angels, which led to the falling away of part of them (“I will be like the Most High”). Pride can become a high wall in our path, and nothing but humility can overcome it. The Lord teaches us humility by allowing periods of dryness, impotence, and helplessness. With humility they will decrease.

“…Delight plagues spiritual people more when they try with all their might to love God, but still love themselves more than their neighbors.”

Father Alexy saw many examples of how pride stubbornly defends its rights in the souls of those who sincerely would like to love the Lord. You can read in the advice of St. fathers that love for God comes with prayer, in response to many deeds and hardships to which they expose themselves for the sake of Christ. And all this is true, if we do not forget that the ascetics of all centuries primarily struggled with pride. Now many may not even realize that it is no coincidence that many feats are not given to our time, that is, there is no opportunity, no conditions, no strength, no examples, no leaders… No, because there is a lot of pride in everyone. And rarely does anyone understand how dangerous, how difficult it is to cleanse any spiritual aspiration from treacherous pride. It extinguishes prayer, distorts friendly relationships, roots distrust in everyone and everything in the soul, spoils character, and darkens good feelings. It is easy to check “poor quality,” that is, the soul’s infatuation with pride, in relation to one’s neighbors. Where “I” comes first, where “my” interests are more important and valuable, where others are in the background, even the greatest efforts to love God can lead to a dangerous state – delusion. Why? This is because you cannot love God after yourself. The Lord will either be in first place in the soul – or He will not be at all in life, only words and pretense will remain. What role do neighbors play here? Neighbors indicate to everyone whether a person is capable of parting with the precious “I” or whether things will not go beyond words. The one who wants to prefer God to his self-love is capable. Then it will not be difficult for him to forget about himself for the sake of his neighbor. But this requires more than one impulse. And the work and patience of a lifetime. Then there will be no danger of falling into self-delusion, and there will be no endless insults to injured pride. Then life will not be an arena of struggle between one’s self-love and others, but rather work on overcoming self-love with the help of God in oneself and understanding, sympathy with a willingness to help others in the same way.

“To pray somehow, says Mark the Ascetic, lies in our strength, and to pray purely is a gift of God’s grace. So, what we can, we will sacrifice to God, although the quantity (possible for us) and God’s power will be poured into a weak soul, and dry, scattered, but frequent prayer – always, having acquired skill and turned into nature, will become pure, bright prayer. Fiery and worthy.” From a letter from Father Alexy.

In this letter, Father Alexy draws our attention to what we can do – to prayer as we can manage. “Somehow,” but not out of contempt, inattention, mechanically, but out of spiritual weakness, which often accompanies a tired soul, everyone can pray. If he tries, he will be able to pray more often. Let it not be for long, let it be in the middle of business, even if it’s not at all as we would like – calmly, in front of the icons, but still with the desire to remember the Lord as often as possible. Yes, if you wish, you can. And the hindrance here is not so much business as the habit of not controlling your thoughts. If we set ourselves the task of noticing: how much time does it take us and on what? We do the usual with our hands, but what in our heads? Conversations repeated to oneself, memories, discussion, reasoning (God grant that there is no condemnation) and just current fragments of thoughts to which no attention is paid. If we put this aside and force ourselves, even against our will, to turn to the Lord, then we can be convinced that both Mark the Ascetic and Father Alexy are right.

The Lord will reward diligence with at least momentary sparks of His grace, and at some point praying will become easy. Let this not last long, but, most importantly, our zeal will somehow be sustained, and if we do not succumb to laziness and self-justification, then the habit of praying often will lead to the results that Father Alexy wrote about.

“What could be more joyful to the Lord than when He sees that we are depriving ourselves of something in order to give it to our neighbor, that we are constraining ourselves in something in order to give peace to our neighbor; that we restrain ourselves and try to direct our soul, our character so that it would be easy for our neighbor to live with us.”

Father Alexy, drawing our attention to the fact that doing this is always pleasing to the Lord, of course, implies that we do everything for our neighbor for the sake of the Lord. This condition is very important. If he is not constantly in consciousness, then something else will happen, either openly or secretly: I am doing good to others, but I am thinking about myself. Thank you – good, appreciate – good, respect – good! What if you don’t have all this? Then there is rebellion in the soul: ungrateful, does not know how to appreciate, ill-mannered…

Well, if for the sake of Christ you limit yourself in everything and provide your neighbor with all available and possible comforts and pleasures, will everything always be smooth? Will everyone be grateful, and respectful, and will be inspired by a good example, and will soften, and become kinder themselves?

Not everything, not always. There will be different cases, different actions and different reactions. The main thing is that the person will not lose anything. There will be no rebellion and resentment in the soul. And in relation to the callous, distrustful, suspicious, ungrateful, there will only be a feeling of regret. They feel worse because they react to kindness this way. It is more difficult for them to live in the world, because they do not love people for such qualities, and they are not capable of loving others. You will only regret it. The one who can tear away from himself to give to others is with God in his soul, and those who only do everything for themselves are with whom? There is always little for them, they always feel bad, they are always cramped everywhere and feel bad. This alone already suggests that “it is more blessed to give than to receive.” Giving out of love for God is always joy, which in itself is a reward, the most valuable of all possible gratitude and any respect.

“When you see something bad around you, look at yourself right now to see if you are the reason.”

Here Father Alexy teaches us to overcome the ingrained habit of blaming anyone and anything for our misfortunes or even simple everyday troubles. The habit of self-justification is so deep in us that we don’t want to admit anything, we will make excuses with all our might, and let alone assume that some kind of trouble is caused by us – no one should start that! Nevertheless, this is exactly what Father Alexy teaches. An experienced leader, he knew how harmful self-justification is, how it interferes with good relationships among people, how it weakens the soul of someone who does not want to say goodbye to such a habit. It is difficult to work on yourself in this direction, because it looks like a trifle. Few people have been accustomed to monitoring all their actions since childhood. Even less common are those who know how to see their own guilt in their actions, but if anyone has not done this, he does not know how to do this, oh. Alexy draws his attention to this, teaches him to think about it, so that it is easier to come to terms with the mistakes of others, knowing how often they harm their own.

Father Alexy always demanded oral confession, since, in his opinion, this better cleansed the soul. It was more difficult, but more useful. I weaned myself from self-esteem. He didn’t like it if he had a note with him, even for memory, since it turned out that you were poorly prepared if you didn’t remember your sins.

Now many people advise writing down their sins in order to remember, not talking about sins at all, not being silent at the lectern… Now this – writing down sins – suggests that the person was at least somehow preparing, thinking about confession. Father Alexy was more demanding about this. If someone worries about sins, if someone’s soul hurts because of what they have done, then such a person will not forget about the mental pain, about the causes of such illness. Therefore, naturally, oral confession, not on a piece of paper, is more conducive to the purification of the soul. If everyone thought that when going to the doctor, they should write down the symptoms of their illness and when the doctor asks: “What hurts?” – would you read your note, how would it be perceived? A doctor would be dubious about such a patient. And it’s not surprising: who, when they come to the doctor, doesn’t know what and how it hurts?! Mental illness can be more difficult. Sometimes there is a state of such “petrified insensibility”, which can be caused by various reasons. Perhaps this is from overwork, from the neglect of one’s condition, many years of indifference to issues of spiritual life, perhaps from trampling on norms of behavior, from contempt for all restrictions, promiscuity, despondency and many others. In this case, you need to try to understand the reasons for this state, and even if it is difficult to understand yourself, in confession it is your sin to talk about it, without looking for apologies, justifications, or mitigating circumstances. It is necessary to prepare for confession, and if it is easier for someone to confess by writing their sins, let them write at first, then, having learned to take care of themselves and treat themselves more responsibly, they will be able to say without a piece of paper about what bothers the soul, darkens it and what makes it hurt.

“You know your duty, and you need to fulfill it calmly and firmly. You need to read the Jesus Prayer.”

It is interesting that Father Alexy connects the fulfillment of duty with the reading of the Jesus Prayer. Why? Is it impossible to fulfill one’s duty without this prayer or without any prayer at all? We know many examples of how people who do not consider themselves Christians at all fulfilled their duty religiously.

Yes, there were such examples, but Father Alexy spoke to his spiritual children not just about fulfilling a duty, but about serving God through this fulfillment. It is impossible to serve God without calling on His Name, without turning to Him. In a conversation with Motovilov, the Monk Seraphim said that every good deed not done for the sake of Christ will not bring the grace-filled fruit of the Holy Spirit to a person’s soul. That is why Father Alexy, in his address to loved ones, tried to accustom everyone to the memory of the Lord when performing their duty. By the way, fulfilling a duty just because it is a duty is difficult and sometimes joyless. After all, not everything done dutifully can please you with a pleasant, obvious result. Turning to the Lord and praying to Him will brighten up all difficulties and help you do with hope everything that is required by duty. With hope and patience. And it will give strength to fulfill this duty, because most often it is not what “I want”, but what “needs”, whether I want it or not, whether I’m in the mood or not, whether it’s easy to do or not. “I have to,” and that’s all. Necessary. So that this “must” does not become a heavy burden, one must read the Jesus Prayer – and with it the weight of all obstacles will be lightened and the soul will become stronger.

“Love the Lord your God… and your neighbor as yourself.” These are great words, a great and difficult task – to love your neighbor as yourself, when we often love God less than ourselves. And here we must love our neighbor, who often insults us, causes us trouble, often does not understand us, but you would like to love him as yourself and more than yourself. And then only it would be good and our conscience would be clear, and only then would we do what is pleasing to the Lord, which the Savior so often asked us to do. And our heart would be filled with joy from “the consciousness that the Lord is pleased with us.”

Here, as in his other advice, Father Alexy emphasizes one very difficult idea: you can love others, despite their shortcomings, only if you try to do it for the sake of the Lord. You try, although not right away, and not everything works out, but you overpower yourself only because the Lord commanded to love your neighbors. Not only to endure, not only to somehow get used to not getting irritated and not demanding anything from others, but to love. Why did the Lord send us to such torture? To love and know that you are loved too, to endure shortcomings, knowing that yours suffer too, to hope for changes for the better, seeing that they understand your efforts – this is nothing, but to love the indifferent, who do not want to notice anyone, who know only their own benefit, who shamelessly exploit the trust of the simple-minded? How to love these? And why? First – why? Because God commanded it so. He loves them, wishes salvation for everyone and, most importantly, He chooses a person to reveal the MIRACLE of His love. Therefore, it is He who makes us, each of us, regardless of our weaknesses and vices, His co-worker. Why does He need this? Will not the Lord find a way to influence the person he wants to save without any intermediary? The Lord will find, but He also wants to save those whom He takes as His co-workers. By stumbling over each other, sometimes causing each other very significant pain, people can (if they strive to honestly fulfill the commandment to love one’s neighbor for God’s sake) help each other change for the better. Where do you get the strength to endure and how to love those who are very indifferent to the concerns of others about them?

Strength is in prayer. God will give them when He sees sincerity and a living desire to fulfill His commandment. It is very difficult, and the further people are from God, the more difficult it is to love or at least tolerate each other. You have to learn this, long and patiently.

“Try to live for people, live their joys and sorrows – and forget about your personal. You will see how good it will be for you.”

This is what Father Alexy said. I spoke more than once and to more than one person. We cannot say whether the one to whom Father Alexy advised this has reached a state where only with gratitude to God can one say: “how good, thank God!” But we know from the example of Father Alexy himself, who not only taught this, but also did it, that such a “good state” is possible. While we try with mistrust to think once or twice about others, to even forget about ourselves (and not always only once or twice, but much more!), we no longer encounter good things at all. More often than not, we encounter bad things. It is very bitter to experience coldness and indifference in response to openness and sincerity. It’s hard to see ingratitude and indifference where there should be something completely different… So, is Father Alexy wrong? Or was he simply lucky enough to meet more sensitive and receptive people with whom he could communicate without causing grief? But he told this to others as advice, advice backed up by experience. He probably meant what we lack. Living for people and forgetting about yourself is, firstly, possible only for the sake of God’s commandment, constantly remembering the Lord and praying to Him for help, and secondly, forgetting about yourself, apparently, should be completely. Forget so that you no longer expect anything for yourself and, if you don’t receive it, don’t get upset. If we react to the lack of response, to kindness, responsiveness, attention, it means that we remember about ourselves and have not forgotten.

What if we remember not about ourselves, but about someone who does not want to be a man (the ungrateful person is compared and called a famous animal)? If care and attention only makes a person more impudent, or at least takes it for granted, and his demands on people and resentment continue to grow? What’s good about this?

Perhaps, if a person does everything for the sake of God, then the Lord will change the situation by circumstances, and the person, delivered from the communication of a stubborn self-lover, will breathe a sigh of relief and joy, understanding and accepting this as happiness, as liberation, and will say from the heart: “Glory to Thee, Lord!” And again he will feel good, because he is always with God.

“I do not bless to say anything about others that could spread bad rumors about others, but it is our duty to say edifying and useful things.”

This is how Father Alexy spoke decisively and firmly to his spiritual children. He always had many who turned to him for advice, with bewilderment, with repentance. Well, Father Alexy knew how much evil the tongue brings to people. The habit of speaking without any reason, on suspicion or from the words of those who can embellish an invention, strengthen it, or at least simply spread bad rumors with someone, harms everyone. To defame the innocent is a sin for one and pain for another. Talking about other people’s sins is bitterness for one and again a sin for another. Simply gossiping about someone’s actions is a sin for everyone and always a sin. So why not talk about anything? You can talk, and people talk when communicating. But you always have to ask yourself: why am I telling this? The main desire to tell should come from the desire to do something good for another, to bring benefit. Tell to console, tell to inspire with an example, tell to warn… Any story we tell should benefit people. Otherwise it will only be idle talk. So it’s a sin again. The sin of condemnation, slander, insult, and idle talk seems to depend only on us. I want – I say, I want – no. No one will force, no one will force someone who does not want to speak. But, as we all know in practice, it is precisely the sins of an unbridled tongue that we all suffer from. That is why all confessors, all elders, simply serious and sincere believers have always been an example of great attention to words. One could hear a timely joke from them, soft, kind, aimed at calming a drowned, sick soul and relieving tension, but they did not allow themselves ridicule. It was possible to learn a story, a parable, even a fable (Elder Ambrose of Optinsky used Krylov’s fables), but never gossip, not dark rumors with suspicion or condemnation. Everything and always is only for the benefit of others and in no way to harm.

“The path leading to the Lord is difficult and sorrowful, and only with God’s help can we move forward. Left to our own devices, we would have died at the very beginning. We need to cry out to the Lord every minute: help, Lord! Have mercy on me, weakling! You only need to pray that the Lord will have mercy on you, ask God for forgiveness of your sins, ask for strength to live, give strength to correct yourself and serve him as he desires. Thank Him unceasingly for His great patience and mercy – that’s all. You should not ask for the joys of mental and physical benefits for yourself.”

Yes, the path of a true Christian is difficult. Father Alexy, of course, knew that most of those who came to him asked to pray and in prayer beg for them certain blessings in life. Every honest believer is haunted throughout his life by the temptation to seek comforts and advantages for himself in this life. To overcome this temptation means to trust yourself to God. Then look for only one thing: how to improve, how to start a new life, where all the strength, all the skill will be aimed at fulfilling the will of God. The difference between someone who outwardly does everything in a Christian way, but lives or strives to live for his own pleasure, and someone who first of all seeks to fulfill the will of God may not be striking. It is most visible during periods of temptation, difficulty, and tests of faith. In order to overcome all temptations with benefit for the soul, Father Alexy pays attention to what to pray for and what to ask from God. Now the desire for external well-being significantly exceeds the desire to do the will of God in everything, since it is associated with the inevitable denial of many things. Self-love, not restrained by either a sense of duty or a sense of responsibility, will be able to disguise itself with external decency. When conscience begins to vigorously reject any disguise and a person finds himself spiritually at a dead end, then the advice of Father Alexy will be the pointer that will lead him out of the darkness of conceit into the light of knowledge of the true path to salvation through repentance, prayer for help and thanksgiving for all the mercies of God.

“Father taught that every time our cross seems heavy to us, we must mentally look at the cross of the Savior. And think about what we are compared to him. And we carry the lightest cross. We should not look for another cross than our own, which was given to us by the Lord and which always seems heavier to us than others…”

Of course, we think that it’s harder for us than everyone else because we love ourselves very much. We may not talk about it out loud, we may even be indignant if someone tells us about it, but deep down we realize that this is so. You can deceive yourself, not even admit it to yourself, but you can’t live by pretense. No matter how we prove to others how good it is for them and how difficult it is for me, how easy it is for others and how difficult it is for me, how happy everyone is and how unhappy I am… it won’t get any easier. The only thing that can be achieved is that everyone will become sick of listening to endless evidence of how my soul suffers, how joyless life is, how insensitive and indifferent everyone around is, contented and carefree… Maybe others will not have the determination to say that it is pride that spoils life, it is narcissism that makes us see only our own troubles, without noticing the great troubles of others, it is envy that speaks in us if we see not the difficulties and patience of others, but their often imaginary pleasures and pleasures. benefits. If we could change places with someone we envy, we would say something different. “It’s better for me to have mine” – this is the surest conclusion that would be drawn by lifting the weight of someone else’s cross. We can ease the severity of our experiences by trusting God, but not by focusing on ourselves and our failures. Only our cross is more convenient and easier for us. Only the Cross of Christ will encourage and ease our sorrows, only trust and devotion to the will of God will help us see that our cross is the lightest. See, thank for it and feel sorry for others who have it harder. Then the soul will soften, and not become rough from everything it experiences.

“Each of us does not notice our shortcomings and can only improve with the participation of close, dear people, and therefore I earnestly ask you to continue your work in the same spirit, for which, I repeat, I will be very grateful to you.”

This is an excerpt from a letter from Father Alexy to his son Seryozha. The son wrote to his father his opinion regarding the clergyman’s apartment. Whatever this opinion may concern, Father Alexy writes that he “perked up” because since the death of his wife he had no one (the children were still very small) who could tell him everything he thought, frankly, simply, with trust, without fear of misunderstanding or irritation in case of disagreement. This ability to share opinions, trustingly and frankly, without fear, greatly contributes to spiritual growth, increased attentiveness to one’s actions, words, even thoughts. The apostles advised Christians of the first centuries to take care of this, knowing the benefits of such “doing” (“may you be healed”). Why is it now difficult to communicate like this, difficult to help each other by frankly remarking and admitting one’s shortcomings and pointing out in a friendly way to others?

– Because most of us have very deep-rooted pride. Not everyone can say this calmly, kindly, without pressure or the desire to change someone else in their own way, just as not everyone will tolerate pointing out their shortcomings without offense and indignation. What remains? Tolerate each other as they are? Or bury yourself, isolate yourself from everyone, hide your pride deeper so that no one touches you? The first is more difficult, but more useful. The latter is more dangerous, since pride must be fought, and not protected and cherished, protecting it from any touch. It is best to ask the Lord for strength, patience, goodwill towards everyone, so that at least with some a relationship of frank mutual care for each other without offense, suspicion, or irritation is possible.

We must save ourselves and others, take stricter care of ourselves, and be more lenient towards others, study them in order to treat them as their position, character, and mood require. For example: a nervous person, uneducated, and will demand from one calmness, from another – delicacy or something else, this will be reckless, and we must strictly monitor ourselves.”

Father Alexy considered it his life’s task to give everyone what their soul needed. And more than that, he taught his loved ones to be responsible for those around him. In order not to harm them, you must strictly monitor yourself. This is usually what happens in a hostel: everyone demands that they be taken into account, that their character, habits, and mood be taken into account. As a result, quarrels often break out in families, among acquaintances, relatives, and co-workers, there are troubles, grief, and relationships deteriorate. To avoid this, and even to help loved ones, Father Alexy said: “We must strictly monitor ourselves.” Not for others – for yourself! Do not demand from others – from yourself! It’s difficult. Self-esteem rises: why do I need to demand from myself? Why is there only condescension towards others? Isn’t the law written to them? If you always think and act like this everywhere, there will be no peace between people.

Why, after all, demand more strictly from yourself, but be more lenient towards others? Yes, because everyone has a different measure. A Russian proverb says that you cannot ask health from someone who is sick. It’s even more stupid to blame someone for being sick. It is natural to treat illness and the sick with sympathy, compassion and strive to help. There is nothing to explain or prove here, everything is clear to everyone. The same applies to spiritual illnesses. Who was deprived in childhood, did not receive a good upbringing – isn’t it more difficult for him to break himself and re-educate? The most common things – “thank you”, “excuse me”, “please” – are a thousand times more difficult for him to say than for someone who has heard these words since childhood and is accustomed to using them. This is just the simplest example. There are many difficulties in life, and should one not sympathize with someone who was forced to endure a lot of bitter, rude, and painful things?! If you don’t isolate yourself, it’s easy to understand Father Alexy, who advocated a kind, compassionate attitude towards everyone and a strict and demanding attitude towards himself.

“Since the prayer “Our Father” is an abbreviated Gospel, you need to approach it with proper preparation.”

Father Alexy advises us to approach prayer in general more seriously than we do, and especially to the Lord’s Prayer. It is unlikely to find another prayer that could contain so much! You can guess the depth of her petitions after many years in which she was read and heard more than once. We read it quickly, quite confident that we know the words, we read it without mistakes – what else is needed? It turns out we need to prepare for it. How else to prepare?

Approach it as if it were the Gospel. The Lord gave it and taught His disciples to pray with it. The very fact that the Lord gave her could somehow especially warm us and direct not only our minds, but also our hearts towards her.

When you have a free minute, you should return to the petitions of this prayer more often. If it is difficult to understand their depth yourself, you can turn to the holy fathers. Many of them addressed these petitions and wrote about them, so that the book “The Lord’s Prayer in the Interpretation of the Holy Fathers” was published. Those who cannot get it can use Bishop Theophan’s interpretation of the requests of this prayer. Even if this is difficult, then just think for yourself first – and it will be beneficial. When your soul is sad, say “Our Father” with the hope that the Lord as Father and Heavenly Father will hear. When you are lonely, there is one consciousness: “Our Father” already unites everyone, reminds that there is a Church where you belong. When it is light and joyful – “hallowed be Thy Name!” When it’s sad to see a lot around – “Thy Kingdom come!” When there is anxiety in the soul – “Thy will be done!” When you are hungry, “give us this day our daily bread!” Bread in the literal sense. In the Eucharistic, in the sense of what is most necessary in life. When sins torment us – “forgive us our debts”, when the heart is not at peace with someone – “as we also forgive” – our task and duty. When something or someone threatens, “do not lead us into temptation.” When fear paralyzes the soul – “deliver us from evil”… Let someone put more into these petitions, each according to his own strength, but let no one read it mechanically, only pronouncing the words – that’s what Father Alexy cared about.

“To know God, the light of God is needed, and He fills with this light only the weak and humble, like the apostles, who, being ignorant of human sciences, but filled with the light of the Divine, rushed to this light with all the strength of the soul, ignited with fiery faith, and said to the Lord: “Give us to be with You, give us the opportunity to enjoy such happiness forever.” They strove for what the Lord called them to, and at that moment His Divine dignity was obviously revealed to the world.”
From a letter from Father Alexy.

Father Alexy, speaking about the Divine light, points to the indispensable connection of humility, weakness and ardor in following the Lord. He who believes slightly, who is confident in himself, who strives first of all to achieve his goals, can live his whole life and not have the most modest idea of ​​​​such a light. Neither scientific research, nor authoritative assurances, nor one’s own efforts will yield any results. Therefore, if the initial steps towards faith do not bring any special joys and revelations, one must not blame faith, but simply know that neither the training system, nor the inspiration and experience of a leader, nor personal special spiritual talent will give anything without sincere, true humility, in which there is always a place in the soul for God, and the first place – and there is deep reverence for Him. The light of knowledge of God will never appear to a proud soul, narcissistic and arrogant, while it is completely accessible to humble simplicity, sincere and devoted to God, Whom such a soul sees, feels and loves. Then you can no longer fear anything – neither life nor death, because “as the Lord my God lives, and as my soul lives.”

“We must remember that if the Lord is always looking at me, because He knows everything, so how can I act against Him?!”

Learning to always remember that the Lord sees us, knows our deeds, thoughts, desires, knows our difficulties, sorrows and efforts – although this is difficult, it is absolutely necessary. Father Alexy, knowing how everyone needs the skill of remembering the Lord, also emphasizes this point: we are ashamed to do something bad in front of even strangers, those who, perhaps, will never know us, those whose opinion about us is indifferent to us, uncomfortable, unpleasant in front of us, simply at the thought that they will think badly of us. It would be even worse if we began to harm these people before our eyes… How can one not be ashamed to clearly harm the cause of Christ on earth, if you remember that He sees us to the very depths of our souls! If you remember this, you won’t, but you should remember! You can’t force yourself to remember right away, you have to get used to it, again force yourself here. Wherever and wherever we are talking about spiritual work, we cannot do without forcing ourselves, as well as without constancy, patience and prayer.

“You say it is the law, but where there is no love, the law does not save, but true love is the fulfillment of the law” (Rom. 13:8-10).

Father Alexy was often reproached for giving first place to love in his practice and in his instructions. To God first. To people, as an expression of love for God. He was told that love is only the crown of perfection, and not its foundation. That is why Father Alexy had to turn to the authority of the Apostle Paul, who said that love is the fulfillment of the law. Those who love order in the Old Testament temple and in our Church can offend someone who comes without embarrassment, advocating for the “law,” but the fact that someone’s soul will be wounded did not worry any of them. Coldness, insensibility, indifference, carelessness, irresponsibility towards people since ancient times has coexisted with increased attention to all the requirements of the “law,” sometimes (especially among the Jews) reaching the point of pettiness. The worst thing about zealots of the law is that they forget the main thing – man. Calvary tells us how far one can go in zeal not according to reason, zeal for the fulfillment of the law. The trial of the Righteous, the trial with all the appearance of “justice”, with witnesses and the “will of the people” – and the condemnation to death of the Innocent. The law, apparently, has not been forgotten, but this has not stopped lawlessness. Therefore, Father Alexy is right when he says that the law does not save where there is no love. It is difficult to love, it is difficult to force oneself to do deeds of love, but the law of Christ cannot be fulfilled by external piety alone.

“Learn life, study people, do good.”

Father Alexy taught this, often reminding us that all this is necessary to fulfill the commandment of love for God and neighbor. Without knowing life, you won’t be able to understand people, sympathize with them, advise them on something necessary, warn them against any trouble, not to mention the fact that you can’t love someone or those you don’t know. Therefore, Father Alexy, teaching us to look at life seriously and carefully, immediately advises us to study people. You cannot accept or reject everyone equally, just as you cannot approach everyone with your own yardstick. There are so many different characters, so many unique personalities. To learn and understand, to be able to figure out even where you can fully believe and where you need to check first is a very important science, without which you can bring harm to many instead of benefit. In addition, Father Alexy directs attention to the fact that everyone considers it their duty to do good. If we were now to ask everyone about what they consider it necessary to direct their efforts towards, some will say that they want to work in such a way as to live in peace, avoiding all sorts of troubles; others – that they want to have more benefits; third – you have to live with something; fourth – that you could feed yourself, but without doing anything you will die of boredom… And the list can go on, but the main thing for a Christian, the first and main duty should be the desire to do good, and not as soon as possible, but to rush to do it. Without this, a Christian has only acquired a name for himself, but life does not correspond to the name. Now, when many no longer want a soulless existence, the call of Father Alexy sounds especially timely, and everyone should listen to it.

“The path to salvation,” the priest liked to say, “everyone has their own and to their own extent. It is impossible to establish a common path for everyone, it is impossible to draw up formulas of salvation that would unite all people.”

One thing can probably be called common in any path to God – this is that any path is difficult, that it is difficult for everyone, everyone in their own way, that you should neither dream, nor hope, nor envy others – it is not easy on the path to God. It’s difficult because everyone has a struggle. Whoever must overcome sinful habits, already ingrained over years of carelessness and negligence, must fight against sinful inclinations brought up by the environment or “given” by previous generations of those who did not bother to repent; who are the temptations of their position. Who with what, but everyone has to participate in the struggle waged by God and the enemy for the possession of the soul. This is not a symbol, not an educational technique, this is a truly difficult reality of our life. It is impossible to find a general formula for salvation, as Father Alexy correctly noted, and it follows that one cannot impose one’s understanding on another as a law. Sharing experience is another matter, but you cannot ask, demand, or approach others with your own standards. By the way, the more spiritually experienced a person is, the more he understands the complexity of the struggle, the diversity of human characters, the diversity of destinies, and the varying strength of influence of many factors on the organization of the entire situation in which everyone finds themselves. Understanding, sympathizes and does not put pressure either with authority, or with an orderly tone, or with the prescription of rules… He can advise, share his experience, help him see something wrong in himself, something misdirected, but he will be able to do it unobtrusively and very tactfully. This approach will teach attention to others and a caring attitude towards the soul of any person. You can understand the difficulty of struggle not from books or from the words of others, but only by experiencing it experimentally.

“Father Alexy taught this: first love for God, through it, as a consistent desire to please God, love for one’s neighbor, and then remaking oneself for one’s neighbor.”

So this means last place. Attention to yourself is the last thing, and even then only in relation to your neighbor: remake yourself so that others feel good with you. This is exactly what we always avoid. We are ready to change others so that it is convenient for us. Us first. But, they will object, you can’t change it for everyone. Everyone will willingly twist a rope out of you, just give in, but is it necessary? There are so many of them, can you please everyone, can you adapt to everyone? Should we or should we not remake ourselves for the convenience of others? Father Alexy says: it is necessary. But something else must be taken into account: Father Alexy speaks of this not as a goal (otherwise it will not be love for one’s neighbor, but people-pleasing, which is a sin), but as a path to the goal. The goal is to fulfill the commandment to love God. To love God not in word and tongue, but “in deed and in truth” is to love one’s neighbors for God’s sake. For this love to also be real and active, you will have to take charge of yourself. Do not come from yourself, as if you are bringing a gift to your neighbors that they are not worth, but from God. By loving God, you can feel sorry for and tolerate your neighbors, without really thinking about who is and who is not worthy of such love. The assessment of one’s virtues comes from pride, and not at all from God. That is why some members of various spiritual families experience so much bitterness and pain, where spiritual mentors descend upon them from the heights of their greatness. In order not to suffer, not to worry in vain, Father Alexy outlined a clear gradation. The first is love for God. First, basic, indispensable. To God, not to yourself. Neither openly nor secretly. Not to yourself. If God is in the first place, then, loving Him, you will endure those whom He, experiencing, continues to endure and love, arranging everything in life so that everyone comes “to the mind of truth.” Then the question of attitude, of how caring for one’s neighbors is understood, accepted, and assessed, disappears. Then the question of why I should somehow change so that it would be easier for others to be with me, and not others to adapt and take into account my character, my mood, will not come to mind. But if the thought of God is not the force that holds everything – desires, aspirations, readiness to do His will, then all intentions to help others will be dashed by their reluctance or their own egoism.

“Wish everyone happiness – and you will be happy yourself.”

Father Alexy said, it would seem, so little – “wish happiness for everyone”… Will such a wish do much? It’s easy to wish, but to live a happy life… However, there is a dependence between what you wish for others, and what the wisher himself receives. Anyone who wishes happiness for others must, of course, have a kind heart. It’s not difficult to wish, but sometimes they don’t even want that. Sometimes a very simple, easy-to-follow friendly word, an attentive address, just a greeting when meeting, congratulations on on a holiday, the desire to at least say something pleasant, etc. can at least resonate well in someone’s soul. Naturally, one must be able to endure, be able to not expect anything in return and, without waiting, not to be upset, not to reproach, to forgive before they ask for forgiveness (and if they don’t ask, too). Whoever tries to acquire patience and goodwill will gradually understand that God will make him happy with stable peace of soul, the ability to rejoice even in little things, to forget and forgive insults, not to remember troubles, not to expect grief, not to be afraid of worries. Whoever knows that living, remembering that God protects him, is brighter and easier, it is clear to him without words that he is happy with everything, even with seemingly small happiness. And is it really about living comfortably to the envy of everyone, doing everything according to one’s own whims and drowning out one’s conscience every minute so that it doesn’t interfere with thinking about anyone? Here Father Alexy offers something simple and accessible to everyone: wish others happiness – and you will be happy. Is this possible? Certainly. Can everyone do it? Everyone. Why doesn’t everyone take advantage of this opportunity to become happy? Because wishing everyone happiness can be done by someone who knows how to think about everyone, feel sorry for everyone, endure everything from everyone, not be angry with anyone, not remember insults (is everyone really so good that there is only good from everyone?), and not withdraw into oneself. When a person acquires these and other qualities, then he will be happy.

“Whoever thinks a lot about himself, means he doesn’t live well… And you love yourself, so love yourself properly.”

How is that bad? Father Alexy speaks not about material well-being or a successful external life, which suddenly somehow deteriorated, but about the internal state. Why do you have to think less about yourself to live a good life?

Because only an egoist is preoccupied with himself, only a callous person, indifferent to others, always dissatisfied (how many love an egoist?), demanding, touchy and… lonely. Naturally, what’s good here?! But, they may object, who doesn’t love themselves, who doesn’t think about themselves, who would risk counting on such caring on the part of others that could help them not to take care of themselves?!

To this, Father Alexy says: “If you love yourself, then love yourself properly.” How should you love yourself? Keep your soul pure, free from any captivity of passions (including self-love), eagerly responding to every movement of the Lord to cleanse, strengthen, and enrich it with His gifts. This in words, if they have not been experienced experimentally, will say little, but whoever knows the severity of the struggle with pride, with suspicion, resentment, irritability and other “ordinary” sins, knows that such a struggle is not for life, but for death. What? Soul life. The soul lives by faith in God, and if, while loving your living soul properly, you do not fight properly for it, then faith in it will fade and disappear completely. If there is no faith, there will be no God in life. Then there will be no joy in living, trusting others, rejoicing for others, sharing joys and sorrows with others, the ability to forgive others easily and from the heart, willingly and lovingly praying for others. Life will become very difficult. No pride, vanity, conceit, no external distinctions and rewards, flattery and respect (usually feigned if a person is proud) can replace the simple and clear openness of the soul, which is not afraid of insults or underestimation of work and worries, because with God the soul is alive and is ready to help everyone, to share the power to live, endure, forgive, which it receives from the Lord.

“Sometimes you long with all your soul for union with the Lord in the sacrament of Holy Communion, but the thought that you recently received communion stops you… This means that the Lord touches the heart, so all these arguments are inappropriate.”

Father Alexy, paying attention to the desire of the soul to receive communion, did not formally approach this issue. This formalism often has such a destructive effect (how much time has passed since the last Communion or why someone wants to take communion not during Lent) that those who fence themselves off within the framework of “rules” (by the way, there are no established norms anywhere, how, to whom, how many times can receive communion) suffer from living life in Christ, and those who involuntarily fulfill these requirements (if the priest is alone in the church or even not alone, but at the moment went to confession and as if on purpose becomes a barrier between God and man). Father Alexy, by the way, knew the statute very well and never considered himself to have the right to abolish what had been legalized or introduce something of his own free will. He knew that there would be no desire from himself, and if it arose, it was the Lord who called. We must respond, we must follow the call, we must put aside all reasoning. It would be good if our priests more often remembered this attitude towards the most significant moment in spiritual life and did not increase grief for those who, in the sacrament of Communion, seek reconciliation with God, forgiveness and help in life’s difficult battle with evil.

“Every day, like a mother, repent of your sins to the Mother of God.”

Many people worry that there is no such person to whom they could say everything, open everything, shake out their whole soul, so that nothing else remains, does not interfere, does not oppress. Father Alexy’s advice, which he gave to those who came to him for confession, is now more suitable for those who will no longer find such an attentive, caring priest, who attended to all the needs of the soul, as Father Alexy was. You can turn to our Lady, the Mother of all, always, everywhere, under any circumstances. True, at first it may seem that this is not enough, but this is the only way it will be at first. Then, when you have developed the habit of always turning to the Mother of God with all your sorrows and sinful thoughts, wrong actions, and thoughtless desires, it will be easier. Even if there is someone to confess to, it still doesn’t hurt every day before the Image of the Mother of God (if possible – in front of the icon of the Queen of Heaven, and if not – mentally in front of Her, without imagining any of Her Images) to reveal your whole soul, tell Her everything, entrust everything, repent of everything. It is very worthwhile to acquire such a habit, but in order for it to take root, you will have to force yourself to do it for some time. Everyone has no shortage of sorrows, and when turning to the Queen of Heaven, even if they do not disappear completely (we often need them as an educational tool), but the severity of the experiences will disappear. It may be difficult, but it is tolerable and bearable – and for that, glory to God and thanks to the intercession of the Queen of Heaven.

“Watch yourself. If you want to live a spiritual life, take care of yourself. Every evening review what was done good and what was bad; Thank God for the good, and repent for the bad.”

Many people want to live a spiritual life, but imagine that it is possible somewhere in quiet hermitages or in an environment where everything is conducive to this. But time has hidden quiet monasteries from us, scattered monasteries and monasteries, and deprived leaders of spiritual life. It deprived me, but, thank God, not completely. One of them was Father Alexy, and it was he who gave such universal advice: take care of yourself, repent and thank God. Everyone is capable of fulfilling it, although it is not so easy to do. It is difficult not so much because the conditions interfere (they entertain, distract, require concentration to carry out their duties, and much more), but more because there is no skill, no habit, the will is weak. Weakness of will is especially worth taking care of. Forcing yourself to do this, that is, to monitor your thoughts, feelings, words, deeds, desires, test them with the Gospel, ask the Lord for forgiveness for all mistakes and thank Him for all successes will not take a day or two, but many, many days, months and maybe even years, until the habit becomes second nature. Then a lot will change, there will be a different view on many things, then the concept of “spiritual life” will acquire clarity, specificity and, most importantly, the ability to be implemented in any conditions, including ours, which at first glance exclude spiritual life.

“Be stricter, stricter in spiritual fasting, that is, learn to control yourself, humble yourself, be meek.”

Father Alexy’s advice to be stricter in spiritual fasting immediately answers the yet unasked question: what does spiritual fasting include. We are most likely inclined to think that this is intense prayer, attention to reading and singing in church, fasting, bowing, etc. Father Alexy doesn’t say a word about this. He definitely points to something completely different, for example: learn to control yourself. By the way, it doesn’t work out very well if you don’t pray. Self-control is not only the ability to restrain impulses of desire or feelings of resentment, irritation, frustration, anger and much more, but it also means constant attention to what is happening in the soul. From attention comes caution and understanding of how necessary God’s help is. When this becomes clear, then you can turn to prayer as a means to help yourself by recognizing your weakness and calling on God’s help. Then it’s easier to reconcile, and having reconciled, it’s easier to understand and forgive others. From here it is not so far to meekness. All this is interconnected, and everything helps spiritual growth. Of course, such a fast never knows the “breaking of the fast,” that is, the lifting of restrictions, but if a person tries to keep it constantly, without making excuses or nodding to circumstances, the Lord takes pity on him and at times sends him consolation in any form. If humility and meekness are somehow instilled in the soul, then consolations from God will be safe. Until we overcome pride, this most terrible, treacherous basis of access to the soul of the enemy’s power, even consolations from above will not protect us from enemy attacks. We can accept them too with harm to ourselves (allowing the thought: how could God give this to me, not to anyone!). That is why Father Alexy so seriously and demandingly addressed his spiritual children, and through these notes of his advice, to us: “Be stricter, stricter in your spiritual fasting!” We, not someone else, can help the soul with such severity, and this requires time and effort. Long time, persistent work, unlimited patience and unrelenting desire. Help, Lord, through the prayers of Your servant Archpriest Alexy!

“The Jesus Prayer is serious business. You must constantly have the Lord before you, as if you were in front of some important person, and be, as it were, in constant conversation with him.”

Father Alexy, speaking about prayer, emphasized each time some separate necessary feature in the behavior of someone who wanted to learn prayer. Here, speaking about the Jesus Prayer, he pointed out the need to learn to remember the presence of the Lord in such a way as not to allow oneself any relaxation, laziness, lack of reverence, all that no one would allow themselves in the presence of an important person. This is a serious remark, because sometimes, out of the habit of forgiving ourselves and being forgiving in everything, we allow ourselves so much that we go beyond all measures. You may develop the habit of looking down on everything and even treating the sacred in life – the words of prayer, for example – without due reverence. This is always bad, but especially in relation to prayer. That’s why Father Alexy reminds us that if you want to learn to pray, you must be able to maintain reverence and be constantly focused on one thing, that is, as if always talking with the Lord. At first, this can be tiring, since attention is accustomed to wandering, but, those who know say, that this zeal is crowned with the skill of such prayer, and with it a person already comes to the limit of desires: the soul knows its Lord and wants nothing more.

“Being with people, living their lives, rejoicing in their joys, being saddened by their sorrows – this is the purpose and way of life of a Christian, and especially a shepherd.”

Father Alexy emphasized not in vain that shepherds are especially important. Not only because the shepherd is an example for Christians, but also because the shepherd in worship can draw strength to live and hold firm by the power from Above, by the power of God. By demonstrating in practice – in self-sacrifice, in self-forgetfulness – every Christian, and even more so a pastor, continues to serve, the work of Christ in the world, as an example of life according to the commandment. A proud world knows how to value its own, tries to protect it, and is in a hurry to multiply. To live the life of another, and in such a way that the joy of another becomes your joy, and grief becomes your grief – only Christians are capable of this, and not only in name, but in life. And not special ascetics, but ordinary Christians, everyone, everyone must learn to live not for themselves. Now it is not only difficult (as it always was), but also seems pointless to many. But it seems so because the concept of Christianity in life has been distorted. They began to limit themselves to observing external forms, external piety. To give up oneself, one’s own joys and sorrows, one’s own, to give up for the sake of another is a feat, and there have always been few hunters for this. How few true Christians there are. But this does not mean that you can not think about anything or anyone, stroke your pride and justify yourself by the fact that even shepherds tend to themselves more than they care about others. Not everyone was always at the height of their calling – both shepherds and ordinary Christians, but everyone is answerable before God and conscience only for the fact that each one responded with life to the call of God, how he responded, how he fulfilled his duty. First of all, himself. Didn’t he hide behind any reasons, didn’t he look for reasons for self-justification, when it is clearly told to everyone that the commandment to love God is inseparable from the commandment to love one’s neighbor. To fulfill it, you need to learn to live the lives of others and forget about all your obstacles, which are most often based on pride.

“How to acquire love for God? We need to remember more often what the Lord has done for us and what He is doing. Everything, all everyday affairs must be sanctified by Christ, and for this the Jesus Prayer. How good and joyful it is when the sun is shining, just as good and joyful it will be in our souls when the Lord sanctifies everything in our hearts.”

Love for God seems to us such an unattainable virtue that it is difficult to believe Father Alexy, who said simple words about love for God. You believe, of course, but deeper thoughts creep in: what has the Lord done to me? What is He doing for me? This is probably where we should start. It is difficult to prove to the inattentive and ungrateful that everything good, starting simply with life itself, is a gift from God. They will agree, but there will be no joy from this. You must tear your loving gaze away from yourself too decisively, so as not to fall into the emptiness around your own pride. Because of him, we do not see life as a gift of God’s love. We do not know how to value time and opportunities, we do not want to recognize them as a gift from God. It seems that there are and should be. When many people look this way, and even more see and are confident that everything has been won only through their own labor, it is difficult to think about the love of God. That’s why they live “without the sun.” Everything is gray, everything is wrong, everything is not enough, everything is bad. The difficulty of the situation is that you don’t want to admit the dominance of pride in yourself, and even if you can, you are tempted to justify it by its natural state. Who needs me then if I can’t take care of myself? Isn’t this a legitimate question? Legal, but for the unbeliever. If we live like “those without hope,” according to the words of the Apostle, then it is not surprising that words about love for the Lord, about His love for us are just words. And if you want to make them gain strength, what then?

Then prayer must illuminate and sanctify every deed, word and thought. Actually, this is all: either we live with prayer and learn to remember, thank and love God, or we love ourselves, are busy with ourselves and don’t care about prayer. It’s just everything – and everything is so difficult. But if with God, we can overcome!

“The mind is only the labor force of the heart.”

Father Alexy liked to repeat this. But this can be (so that the mind helps to do good) only with a good heart. If the heart burns with anger, the mind does not cease to be a force, but becomes a force of destruction. We see this everywhere now. It’s not fools who invented a huge number of all the methods of mass destruction of people, manufactured them, stored them… Sometimes, however, the mind seems to become dulled, goes somewhere, people in masses are subjected to amazing treatment, become stupid before our eyes, ceasing to understand that they are cutting the branch on which they are sitting. Then we can also say that the majority behaves like in Krylov’s fable “The Pig under the Oak.” Where is the mind? Why is a person so callous, so short-sighted, so stupidly harming himself and everyone around him? And this is for one reason – the depravity of the heart. It is not the mind, but the heart that is the guiding force. A person’s ability to choose good or evil is regulated by the heart. Everyone knows this, but not everyone thinks so seriously that life, its direction, its fullness are determined by the heart. A developed and correctly directed mind is, of course, a valuable quality. But not everyone knows, many people don’t always think about how scary it is to have a spoiled, evil heart. Then a strong mind will only do harm, while a kind heart and not very enviable mind will make it a welcome support, reliable help and a faithful employee. The main task of a Christian is to cleanse the heart, to protect its purity and freedom from passions. Then the mind, even a very modest one, will help to do everything necessary, and the person will not have a feeling of disadvantage; on the contrary, with a good heart there is always complete harmony in the soul. Let some be called to do great things, and others less noticeable, but no less necessary. The main thing is to do your job conscientiously, for the glory of God and for the good of people.

“Drive away bad thoughts, and when they appear, drag them by the ear and into the sun. Be stricter with yourself.”

Father Alexy, of course, knew that the best way to get rid of the intrusiveness of bad thoughts is to reveal them to someone else. To whom? It is important not to make a mistake here. Some people can’t. It’s impossible for several reasons at once: you will confuse one, you will infect another with this, you will give the third a reason to rant about something they shouldn’t, you will frighten the fourth, you will open the door to laziness and negligence for the fifth with the thought: “if others are like this, then it’s nothing special, everything is natural.” You need to know all this and think about other things, so that, wanting to lighten your soul, you do not cause burden to others. But then who can you tell? First of all, it would be more ideal to tell your confessor or simply a wise and experienced priest. If there are no such people, then a person who is familiar with spiritual warfare, is friendly, knows how to be silent and pray. If this is not the case, then at least mentally open everything to God or the Queen of Heaven, asking for Her help and intercession. The main thing is that you can’t expect that everything will go away by itself, that it’s enough to switch to something else and all mental dirt will be forgotten. It may be forgotten for a while, but it will be remembered then and where you least would like. It is important not to hide it deeper, but to wash it with repentance and dry it “in the sun” with revelation. This is the severity that Father Alexy requires of himself. Without it, you can thoroughly soil your soul with impure thoughts that you find, which will further lead to ideas, can awaken unclean desires and, without seeing any obstacles, will lead to darkening of both the mind and the heart. Christians are commanded to purity, and they must fight for it.

“When bad thoughts attack you, especially in church, imagine who you are standing before, or open your soul and say: “Mistress, help me!”

Father Alexy’s advice is addressed to us, first of all, to cultivate attention and confrontation with any uncleanness, which, like a dark cloud, can come upon the soul at any time and in any place. This is especially noticeable in the temple. And Father Alexy advises the most effective thing – to remember God, to call the Queen of Heaven for help. We ourselves will not be able to cope with this cloud. Therefore, it is not in the distraction of salvation, much less in plunging into this cloud, even with the desire to fight, but in the call for God’s help, which is preceded by humility. Admitting your weakness, repenting of your powerlessness and asking for help from the Most Pure Mother of God is a reliable path to overcoming the enemy’s darkness.

“Before you speak, you need to think, you can remember Christ, how he would have acted here, and then, as your conscience says, do and say so…”

Here Father Alexy means not just a conversation on ordinary everyday topics, but a conversation on which sometimes a lot depends. Serious communication, serious treatment of others inevitably requires help from Above. If you do not take care of this, then it may turn out that the person answering sincerely wanted good for the one who asked him, but secret vanity, or arrogance, or self-confidence, or a carefully hidden consciousness of his superiority was mixed with the good. Be that as it may, a hidden impurity can become the fly in the ointment that spoils the whole barrel of honey of good wishes and sympathy. That is why it is important to speak and do everything with a mental appeal to the Lord

“Try to be attentive to people. It’s hard to get used to this. Remember: forget yourself and forget everything about yourself and live the life of everyone. Whoever comes to you, experience with him what he is experiencing, enter his soul, and forget yourself, completely forget yourself.”

Such advice from Father Alexy was encountered more than once in the memoirs of those who knew him. The advice is very difficult. So difficult that to many of our contemporaries it may seem completely unrealistic. In justification, they are ready to say: no one lives like that. This has always been said, but if such examples were rare in all centuries, now, it seems, they have become extremely scarce. But does this mean that even striving for this is now unrealistic and unreasonable? No, that doesn’t mean it. It’s not hard to imagine an objection: such an impulse towards dedication will attract a whole bunch of people eager to ride on someone else’s back. Unfortunately, this happens, and not so rarely. Who doesn’t know how often such personalities as St. John Chrysostom prayed: “Save me, Lord, from some people…”. But this still should not justify the indifference to people that has become habitual among many. If the Lord has appointed someone, especially a priest, to be the shepherd of His sheep, then the Lord will demand that they shepherd not themselves, but those who need protection, guidance, and education. It’s hard to forget yourself for the sake of others! Very difficult. But you need to learn this. To learn and not be afraid that they will not understand, will be misunderstood, may be abused… Learning to forget about yourself for the sake of the Lord is also learning not to leak somewhere a secret dream about your significance, superiority, learning to drive these treacherous “inspirations” to work. It’s no secret that you can work for your own glory. Outwardly one cannot discern motives; only a person’s conscience knows. In the future, the hidden motives of actions are clearer, but those who seek their glory, masquerading as the good shepherd, are in danger of trouble. It will begin with your own soul. It is difficult to learn to think about others first, it is difficult, and sometimes (for a pastor, a leader especially) it is completely unacceptable to live only for oneself. Many people showed us an example of how they could, how they strived and how they learned to live the life of everyone who came, and among them, the simple, accessible to everyone, radiating with kindness and care, Father Alexy.

“A person should not set the goal of saving his soul, it will come on its own, he should not think about what awaits him after death for his service to God. He must love the Lord with all his being and give Him all of himself. And direct all your thoughts, feelings, and movements to please the Lord. To do on earth what would please Him. Just as you try to do for a loved one everything that he loves and that he asks, so, only to an infinitely greater degree, you need to do for the Lord. What is the first and most pleasing thing to the Lord? Why is he so happy if we do it? This is love for one’s neighbor.”

It would seem that Father Alexy gives strange advice: do not think about saving your soul! But the soul is more valuable than the world! Who will think about her if not the person himself?! And even now, when in the world, a huge, populous world, almost everyone feels like they are in a desert? In response to a feeling of loneliness (in the family, among relatives, acquaintances, at work, even in a large team), many people feel annoyed: no one needs me, but I don’t need anyone either! It is very important to understand here that with such a mood the salvation of the soul is doubtful. Of course, the Lord knows how to find a way of salvation for everyone, but anyone who thinks to isolate themselves from everyone even by prayer is on a dangerous path! If they object: what about hermits, hermits, hermits?.. Well, were they mistaken?.. They did not go into seclusion out of resentment towards everyone, they could pray for everyone, because the soul was peaceful, was with God, and God gave everyone according to their strength and opportunity. Whoever cleansed his soul of passions could pray for everyone. Some, purifying themselves through labors and caring for others, could intercede for others, some could teach, some could learn to endure and save others with their attention. One is given strength for many, another – for several, who, perhaps, only have enough for one. The point is not this, but the fact that the focus should not be on oneself, but on others for the sake of God’s commandment. This is what saves. The Lord saves by seeing our desire to do what pleases Him, that is, to do something useful for others, to do it from the heart, with love. In general, it is the Lord who saves, not our “deeds.” Now it’s difficult to talk about exploits, since they (if anyone takes this seriously) are more likely to harm than contribute to salvation. They will hurt because of self-conceit. It is precisely communication and caring for others that can least of all grow self-esteem, since you will have to face various weaknesses in others and in yourself. This will hardly make you want to think highly of yourself. This will only increase the need for God’s help not only every hour, but every moment. This means that you will have to learn to pray unceasingly.

“You have to consider yourself worse than everyone else. If you want to get irritated, take revenge, or do something else, just come to terms with it.”

Father Alexy repeats this phrase after all the holy fathers: “you must consider yourself worse than everyone else.” She always, and now especially, resists the deepest desire to prove to herself and others that I am no worse than others. How to combine these incompatible, mutually exclusive aspirations? It is believed that only the humble can truly see themselves worse than everyone else. But while we know humility in words, in our souls we believe that to humble ourselves is to become a doormat at the feet of everyone, by the way, not the best at all – why is that? And how does this fit with the calling to excellence? And is the ideal of a Christian not a worthy person, but a broken, wretched person, good for nothing? This is how we reason, or almost this way, admitting in words that we treat humility with respect. And to be the worst of all is recognized as an unattainable height. Not true! We must learn not to be worse than everyone, but to consider ourselves worse, if not everyone, then many. We consider ourselves better than others because we don’t see our weaknesses, shortcomings, we don’t even want to think about some of our properties that are unpleasant to someone. We see other people’s sins, and against their background ours seem completely insignificant to us. And if we know that we have some kind of weakness, then we declare it innocent, easily forgivable. That’s why we turn out to be a complete Pharisee, proud of ourselves: “not like others…”. But if we don’t lie to ourselves, then many “others” are actually worse? Worse compared to what or who? With us? Do we all know what they experienced? Or how many opportunities were they given? Do we know how and which of them feels in their souls? Who else will overcome their life difficulties? How do we respond to this? Shall we shrug? We have been given commandments, we have a Church, and we receive, at least occasionally, the advice of confessors such as Father Alexy. And do those “others” know all this? And if we compare what is given to us, at least by the Church, with what the majority now sees, then where can we boast? Rather, we will have to recognize the truth of the command: “do not judge…”. God knows what is useful.

“Just as in life you need to forget yourself and live the life of others and for others, so in prayer you need to forget yourself, your soul and ask only the Lord for strength to fulfill his commands on earth.”

In advising this, Father Alexy knew that not everyone liked such advice. Everything in spiritual life is difficult: in life to think about others more than about yourself, and in prayer to think about others, about the Lord, and not about yourself, not even about your soul, although it is dearer than the whole world. The world – yes, but not its Creator. In principle, there is no need to save the soul at all; it will happen by itself if the goal of life is always one thing – to fulfill the commandment of the Lord so that no one and nothing stands in the way. Even your own life, even your own soul. Apparently, then only self-denial is possible, just as obedience is possible, and in general everything that can contribute to salvation. Salvation of your neighbors and your own soul. When this – that is, doing the will of God – stands at the center of all desires and deeds, then much will fall into place. Therefore, no one should be judged. We don’t know how prepared a person is in life so that, having learned about the main thing, he can immediately take on the main thing and reach all possible heights. No one can see how pride interferes with everyone, how difficult it is to fight it, how differently all people relate to this most serious obstacle on the path to salvation. Most often they prefer the legalized external execution of all rules to the harsh and very difficult control over their heart. To monitor and constantly restore order there, moving the “shrines”, that is, to zealously leave the first place only to the Lord, and to unceremoniously push back one’s “I”, eager for this first place, is always a difficult, responsible and, most importantly, very painful task. The soul hurts – a proud, self-loving soul hurts when it needs to choose someone over itself. And not just once, but always. In everything. In life you have to pass this exam countless times. Always, in everything – preference for neighbors to the point of forgetting about oneself. But is this possible? For those who sought, wanted and always strived to do not their own, but what God would give, there will be help from the Lord to the extent of sincerity and dedication. And God gives everyone a difficult task, although not beyond their strength – to protect, save, raise, protect, help their neighbors. If everyone really cared about this, there would be heaven on earth!

“You cannot spare or have pity on someone who does not have pity on others.”

And this was said by Father Alexy! Father Alexy, who always forgot himself for the sake of others and taught this to the most faithful and devoted spiritual children. And yet, this is exactly what he said, teaching everyone responsibility. This does not mean that we have the right to give “an eye for an eye” – this should be a passed stage for all Christians – but everyone must remember this in order to restrain themselves if they want to lash out at someone, say something sharply without thinking, offend, regardless of the consequences, or cause pain. Everything that was once inflicted on another will return. The one who offends will be offended, the one who does not know how to feel sorry will be forgotten, the inattentive will be met with indifference, etc. This is a lesson for all of us – both to you and to you. If not those whom you offended, then others from whom you would not expect. This is a serious obstacle to ensuring that we ourselves are always calm, peaceful, happy with everyone and everything. We, our attitude towards others, our carelessness, contempt for duty, disrespectful attitude where this should not be allowed, precisely lead to the fact that things turn out badly there and with those with whom we would not like tension, inattention, unwillingness to communicate, condescend, and tolerate each other. Sometimes they say: A Christian should not be offended! Yes, but a Christian should not offend! If, due to a misunderstanding, inattention, misunderstanding, or for some other reason, it turns out that someone is upset, a Christian should not give up: let him be upset, but try to calm him down, reconcile, think about whether it was because of him that troubles arose for the other. Everyone has shortcomings, and we are all called upon to kindly influence each other, to help us see our shortcomings in ourselves (not in others), to cultivate patience and forbearance in our relationships with others, to be demanding and attentive to ourselves with the fear of offending others. And you can’t blame everything on others, who are only obliged to endure and forgive (if they don’t even think about asking for forgiveness), and not expect anything good from others, and love everyone, and humble themselves, considering themselves worse than everyone else. Everyone must be able to do all this and demand it of themselves. Then life together will be easier, and it will be more joyful for everyone to go their own way, but in one direction – towards God!

“Reverend Hesychius says that without frequent invocation of the Name of Jesus Christ it is impossible to cleanse the heart.” From a letter from Father Alexy.

Father Alexy used the experience of holy prayer books and, although he lived in the world, he did not consider living conditions the main obstacle to the salvation of the soul. Conditions interfere or help only with an active attitude towards the main task of spiritual life. They interfere, but do not hinder, when they contribute to absent-mindedness, when they jerk a person and only create a restless environment. But under any conditions, which we most often do not choose, we can and should work on developing the skill of turning mentally to the Lord more often. In what form, how? Anyone. You can, as the holy ascetics found most convenient, in the short words of the Jesus Prayer. Even St. Hesychius of Jerusalem said that without calling on the Name of the Lord it is impossible to cleanse the heart. Frequent invocations. Why is this so? Because, probably, our absent-mindedness can miss many darkening, soul-staining impressions that, even without desire, contribute to its pollution. In addition, we ourselves, not protected by turning to the Lord, may not repel the enemy’s attack, which also happens as an influx of unclean thoughts, ideas or desires. When we begin to pray, exhausted under the weight of all the dirt that has been applied, and if despondency or dullness is also mixed in with this… then it is difficult to pray, prayer does not immediately make it easier and does not inspire, as we would like. Why? Because it is forced, forced. If someone watches over his soul, not trusting himself, tries to turn to the Lord more and more often, then it is easier for him to resist. Even if a stream of all sorts of unclean thoughts falls upon him, he knows that this is only the enemy’s work, only his property, and he will ask and ask for help and protection. In the depths of his soul, he will not agree to accept all this dirt as his own and not be embarrassed, which means that he will more easily wash himself away from it in the humble consciousness of his powerlessness to stand without the Lord.

“Father said,” writes Alexandra Yarmolovich in her memoirs, “that it is impossible to apply external forms of monastic life in the world. It is difficult to combine homework with the monastic rules… a person stretches, stretches, cannot stand it, breaks off, and his soul begins to suffer.”

Father Alexy believed that suffering is permissible only when it comes to repentance, when suffering becomes a cry about one’s sins. When life requires effort, care for others, constant attention to them, prayer rules do not so much help the soul (if the conditions of external life do not leave them time and energy), but rather frustrate them. To this, Father Alexy said: “The inner spiritual life is the same for everyone. You can live as a nun in the world (in spirit), but the external rules of monastic life in the world are unthinkable.”

Understanding of this is very rare among confessors. More often it’s different: “die, but subtract.” And then proofreading either turns into such an unimaginable chatter, from which there is only pain in the soul (where there is no time to understand the words!), or it is abandoned altogether, again tormenting the soul. Now that the outer walls of many monasteries have been destroyed, many are striving to preserve the internal monastic structure. It is very important for them to know that it is not the “rules” that make them different in life, but their attitude towards everything: towards God, towards their neighbors, towards their conscience. Now not all leaders can understand the situation the way Father Alexy could, so the importance of his advice not only does not get lost over time, but increases even more. By all means we must preserve the strength of the soul and a healthy disposition, so that we can do everything as before God and accept everyone for the sake of God and for God. This will not interfere with prayer, but if it interferes with the words of prayer, then there will be no memory of the Lord in every place and in every action. Learning this, constantly training your attention, staying composed and being able to look at everything lightly and kindly is more important than just external observance of the rules of piety with the inevitable (for only a decent appearance) internal dissatisfaction, embarrassment, irritation. Everything external is not canceled or humiliated, but is regulated by the conditions of life. Internal work on oneself never depends on any external conditions. She comes first and is the main concern in all cases of life.

“I once asked my father: what to do when boring people come and talk about uninteresting things? Is there any way to get rid of this? – No, you need to listen to them, because they are unhappy. You need to force yourself to enter into their interests, try to feel how they feel, think how they think, so their condition becomes clear to you. You begin to feel sorry for them, and while feeling sorry for them, you begin to love them. We need to work on this. At first, forcing yourself will be difficult and boring. Then, as soon as you can feel sorry for them, it will be easier, and you won’t be bored with them.”

Alexandra Yarmolovich, speaking about “boring” people, probably meant those who were completely immersed in their concerns – family, everyday, narrow personal. She, with her character, in which there was no place for this personal thing, was bored with such people. The most desirable thing in such cases is to get rid of them. But Father Alexy, whose word was law for her, did not support her, but began to teach her to enter into the state of everyone. Moreover, he ordered me to work on myself in order to overcome this feeling of boredom, which will disappear if you learn to understand them, sympathize, and see them as unhappy people. Now, if you take the place of those “boring” ones who filled the church on Maroseyka, the apartment of Father Alexy, who turned to Alexandra Yarmolovich, one can only regret that the temple has been closed for a long time, Father Alexy and Alexandra Yarmolovich have been gone for a long time and no one or almost no one teaches their loved ones, as Father Alexy taught, to delve into the condition of all those who came, to see them as unfortunate and feel sorry for them, and while feeling sorry, to love.

If you look at how difficult it is for those who try so hard to approach people, then it’s not easy to choose who to feel sorry for more. Those who come often go and look for sympathy, understanding, compassion – and do not always find it. Those to whom they go are not always happier than themselves, because not everyone has seen people like Father Alexy, not everyone has even read about how he taught, not everyone can believe from words that there are people who are ready to forget about themselves not for a moment, but for years to think, remember, worry about others.

Now it is difficult for both fathers and children. As, however, it has always been. But for those who grope their way, not seeing the light ahead, it is more difficult. Prayer for each other, mutual sympathy and the desire of each to think about the other more than about themselves will help in overcoming difficulties and communication can make it not only desirable, but also useful, mutually spiritually enriching.

“I wanted, I had a storm of energy, to work as hard as I could,” Alexandra Yarmolovich recalls in her notes, “in order to quickly achieve my goal. I thought that this goal – Christianity – was so close and so possible. And the priest tried to persuade me to live quietly. “The Lord will send everything to you in due time.” You can’t do anything by force. Patience is needed and also humility, prayer…”

Alexandra Yarmolovich, recalling the period of her conversion to the Church and her ardent desire to go to God together with her husband, who was her close friend, truly possessed vigorous energy. And her father Alexy held back. He did not encourage, did not praise, did not elevate her in his own eyes, but calmly directed her to understand that it is not the energy of the individual that does everything, but the Lord! That’s why you need to be able to endure, humble yourself, and pray. When someone is passionate about saving others, this advice is especially important to remember. Especially because in the storm of one’s undertakings it is easy to pass by the main thing – to lose sight of the Lord, although a lot will be said about Him, but in vain. Neither one’s own energy, nor intelligence, nor intelligence, nor understanding of people and the situation, nor other abilities – to speak, persuade, inspire, subdue – can replace the necessary: ​​patience, humility, prayer.

Why, without such a basis, is ardor, energy and activity even dangerous, which can easily catch the eye against the backdrop of the half-asleep existence of the majority and the indifference of this majority to the fate of many? Because it threatens, instead of leading people to God, to bring and subjugate a person, be it a priest, a teacher or any other mentor who is authoritative for someone. Neither in your spiritual life should you allow substitution: your “I” should not be in the place of God, nor in the lives of others should someone take the place, the only ruler of which should be the Lord. Where this is forgotten, there are disputes, envy, jealousy, hostile relationships between people whom someone ardently and sincerely undertook to lead to God, but failed to bring. There are many such cases, and so that they do not multiply more, we must more often turn to the experience of truly humble spiritual leaders who knew that the Lord, and only He, saves; everyone must be able to wait, hope, pray, endure and humble themselves on the path of salvation.

“If a person does not completely and completely submit to God his soul, previously purified by repentance, so that the Lord can do whatever he wants in it, he will not have peace of mind and the Lord will not enter into it.”

These words were recorded by Alexandra Yarmolovich in her memoirs about Father Alexy. He taught this by example throughout his life. This also probably explains why we do not have this spiritual world. We seem to repent, we want the Lord to do with us whatever He wants, but this is in words or in thoughts. In fact, we immediately internally resist everything that we don’t like. “God’s will!” – we say, achieving with all our might what we want. It didn’t work out our way – we reassure ourselves: “that means it’s God’s way.” But how much effort, time, and nerves we spent to achieve what we consider necessary! If we learned, before all our troubles, to think that the will of God can be revealed in circumstances, to surrender to this will calmly, with prayer, with trust in God, we would be much more self-possessed, more peaceful, and more even in all our affairs and intentions.

Well, then we need to let everything take its course, let it happen somehow? No, Father Alexy is not calling for inaction with this, but for directing all aspirations primarily towards God. You need to do everything that needs to be done. But do it not because it can achieve what you want, but out of a sense of duty. We must be able to focus our main attention on ensuring that no matter absorbs us entirely, does not interfere with remembering the Lord, or becomes our primary task, the fulfillment of life. Neither business, nor the desire to achieve something, nor the realization of one’s self in the first place, but the Lord, to whom we can bring our soul, like clay to the Potter. His business is what vessel to make from it: a lamp before God or a bowl for dinner. Everything is needed, everything is important. The most important thing is that the Lord did it. His hands, His thought… And in this turning to Him is the source of deep peace and contentment with everything.

“It’s okay that prayer doesn’t come out. You have to force yourself. It’s better to say less, but say it with meaning. You need to think about every word you say.”

This is how Father Alexy taught to pray. More often they say this: read, you understand it or not, you are able to understand it (from fatigue it happens that you no longer understand the meaning of the spoken words) or not – read it, and that’s it! This is still good as an opportunity to train your will, but it can imperceptibly lead to internal permission to read without thinking about the meaning of the words. And then there is complete scope for your own fantasies. The right words of prayer will be read, and thoughts will wander around the world. This happens to many. Is it because you’re too lazy to force yourself to delve into the words of the prayers, and then you don’t want to admit that you’re not doing everything you’re supposed to do? During confession they are not very interested in, for example, how you read prayers or how you stand in church, but more in the fact itself, whether you read morning or evening prayers or whether you were in church yesterday. It turns out that it’s easier and calmer for everyone to subtract what they need – and that’s it. But it is impossible to learn to pray without listening to the words of the prayer, without thinking about the meaning of the words of prayer.

“Think over every word of the prayer” – although this advice from Father Alexy is difficult to implement, it is necessary, just like “you need to force yourself.” When to think? There is no time for prayer. Yes, we need to think at a different time. You can, on the way, among such things that can only be done with your hands, think about familiar words. You can specifically find a few minutes for this and calmly re-read something from the “rules”. Not all at once, in parts, but if you think and do it constantly, much will become clearer, and will even somehow touch your heart and please you. Then it will be easier to pray during prayer, and it will be easier to overcome dryness and laziness. Then it will more likely “come out”, that is, become the living breath of the soul instead of the boring repetition of boring words that do not touch the soul.

Father Alexy believed that “you need to learn to pray in such a way as not to depend on time or place.”

This is precisely what prevents us from praying there and when the situation interferes. Those around them do not try to think that someone wants silence, someone wanted to tune in to prayer, think about the salvation of the soul, remember what they read or heard in church. And we, having not learned to be calm about what is, justify ourselves by saying that in such conditions, when everything and everyone interferes, it is impossible to pray. But conditions are not as much to blame, although much depends on them, as are our negligence and self-pity. First of all, let us honestly ask ourselves whether we pray well when the conditions for this are good. Do we know how to appreciate every minute of silence to pray? Do we rush to make the most of every opportunity that presents itself to pray without interruption? Is it not that we are all waiting for something that would interfere less, that would help us concentrate when we need to learn to pray anywhere and at any time? The Lord knows about the circumstances that interfere, and about the difficulties that must be overcome, and about our laziness, which is always looking for excuses. In order to be able to live always and everywhere by prayer, one must learn to pray when it is easier and there is less interference. To do this, you need to force yourself to be more attentive to the words of prayer in church and at home, if nothing interferes. We must be able to value time now, and not the time that will exist someday. We must remember that it is better to read one prayer today than two tomorrow. Not everyone and not always like this “must”: you have to force yourself, you have to not make excuses, you have to not be lazy, you have to try harder, but there is no other way. If you are not lazy, if you take it seriously and decisively, then you can learn to live without expecting anything, without getting upset by anything, and to hold on to prayer in any place, in any environment.

“Remember once and for all that in spiritual life there is no word “I can’t.” You should be able to do everything you are told to do. There is the word “I don’t want,” and the longer you live, the more severely you will be exacted for it.”

Father Alexy knew how much the habit of blaming it on “I can’t” means in spiritual life. Those who are accustomed to reckoning with themselves, with their mood, with the reluctance to force themselves to do something when they are too lazy to take on anything at all, with the desire to do only what they like, or to do when they themselves don’t want to, it is easiest for them to say: “I can’t.” And give many reasons, among which there will not be one – “I don’t want.” It’s inconvenient to name her, the main one. And Father Alexy speaks directly about this. There is “I don’t want”, but it’s more pleasant to say “I can’t”. Anywhere it gets in the way when everyone chooses what they want and what they like. “I can’t” has no place in spiritual life. All discounts on mood, character, habits, warehouse, etc. must give way to a decisive “must” if it is really necessary. Often we know that we “should”, but we don’t feel like it. And it is no coincidence that Father Alexy says that over the years there will be an increasingly serious demand for “whether I want it or not.” If a person does not fight with himself, does not force himself to do everything he is commanded, then what kind of Christian will he turn out to be? Someone who says one thing in words, but does what he likes? This is not Christianity, but a captivity of one’s own pride and embarrassment for everyone. That’s why demand has become stricter over the years.

In the notes of Alexandra Yarmolovich, a very characteristic statement of Father Alexy has been preserved: “It’s not about outer life, but about the mental structure of a person, who should put love for one’s neighbor first. In the name of this love, he must rebuild his inner self in order to make life easier for his neighbor in everything. And neighbors are, firstly, family members, and then generally all those with whom you have to live together.”

This is probably the most difficult thing – to think about something else all the time. To think when this other person is in no hurry to consider you, to notice your efforts, and even more so to thank you for your attention to his life, mood, condition. As long as such thoughts come to us, we will not be able to tolerate our neighbors, as commanded. We can’t because we constantly look back at ourselves and openly or secretly evaluate: did you notice my efforts? Did you notice my efforts? Did you forget to thank? In this case, our inner “I” is still omnipotent. Even when providing some kind of service to another, helping in something, we think about ourselves first. Hence the resentment, discontent, complaints of ingratitude and callousness. But this will remain so until we begin to learn to think about others and help them selflessly, truly forgetting ourselves. If we learn, then a lot will disappear. The outside will be simpler in many ways, and the reaction to everything outside will be calmer. The inner – in yourself, in your soul – will gain stability, clarity, constancy. All our hot temper, quick mood changes, demandingness towards others, resentment from our selfhood: self-confidence, arrogance, narcissism. The sooner we say goodbye to our “I,” the easier life will become, the clearer everything will be in our relationships with our neighbors. And it will be easier for us to tolerate their imperfections, and it will be easier for them to communicate with us. After all, even our “good deeds” do not always please our neighbors. After all, they also need to be done skillfully, and most importantly, without constant regard for oneself.

In the remarks of Deacon Vladimir, who addressed Father Alexy, there are lines that Father Alexy encouraged his spiritual children to receive Communion more often. He emphasized that this holy sacrament was established not for the righteous, but for sinners. “Don’t say that you are unworthy,” he taught. “If you talk like that, you will never receive communion, because you will never be worthy.” We are not created for Communion, but Communion is for us. It is we, sinners, unworthy, weak, who more than anyone else need this saving source.”

Very few people look at this saving, grace-filled help of the Sacrament in exactly the same way as Father Alexy. More often they talk about unworthiness. They say the priests who read the following words in their prayers: “no one is worthy…”. They speak as if they want to block the entrance of those who wish, usually justifying such a view by our unpreparedness. Of course, who of those who come to confession will prove their readiness? Of course, no one will tell the priest, whom perhaps he is seeing for the first time, that he does not know his life, nor the needs of the soul, nor the degree of zeal, nor the ability to prepare. In our conditions, when not every priest can be a spiritual leader for someone, not everyone has the opportunity to do everything that is supposed to, not everyone even knows what state of mind modern life leads to, it is gratifying and comforting to remember such a kind attitude towards us, who are more frail than Father Alexy’s contemporaries were. Of course, one must do what is possible according to one’s conscience; of course, one must always remember one’s unworthiness, but one must also receive communion, realizing one’s great need for this saving Sacrament.

Moscow

08.07.2005